How to Know What You Want (When You Don’t Know What You Want)

contemplation-2826235_960_720.png

Let me ask you a question: What do you want?

Do you want a fancy house, 8 new cars, and a 30 person hot tub? Or a job working outdoors with a wonderful family to come home to? Or do you want to retire early and travel the world? Or do you want to go to college for a degree? What about health? Do you want to complete a triathlon? Do you prefer jogging 5 miles daily? Or crossfit? Dancing? Sports? Yoga? Do you want abs? Do you want to do all of these things? None of these things? Some of these things?

There are so many options in life!

We all want to live an awesome life, full of adventures, fun, and success. We all want to live our dream lives. We all want to be free in every way- personally, spiritually, physically, politically, etc.

We all know these things. But the problem is that most of us stop there. We don’t ever get to this place of freedom and happiness. Why? One reason is we might not know what we really want. Yes, we know in general that we want to be happy, wealthy, healthy, etc., but we need to get a little more specific and focused to figure out what we truly want.

Ask yourself this question: what do you visualize as your dream life?

What are you specifically doing? This may bring up a wall for you. Your mind might go blank. You may not know exactly what you want it to look like. There are so many paths that your life could take. You might begin to realize that you don’t really know what it is that you truly want.

Here are three things you can do to figure out what you want from life:

 

Figure Out What You Don’t Want. Then Flip It. 

Sometimes we don’t know what we want out of life, but we do know what we DON’T want! If you are having trouble finding purpose and direction in your life, start out with what you don’t want to do. What do you dislike or hate? What are your least favorite things to do? What are you unhappy about in your life right now? Write your answers down so you can see them plain and clear for what they are! These negativities in your life are causing you pain and suffering. Luckily, you can turn these negative things into amazing triumphs! It is time to turn your life around and get happy! If you are clear on what you don’t want in life, then you can steer away from those unpleasant areas and move in a more positive direction. What I would advise is this: Get a piece of paper and draw a line down the middle. On the left side write down all the things you don’t want in the given situation, or just life in general. Once you have finished listing your non-wants and dislikes, look at each non-want and write down the opposite of it in the right column.  It should look like this example:

Don’t Want: Want:
to fight w/ spouse good communication & enjoy time w/ spouse
loneliness & isolation close friends and frequent social interaction
etc.

Filling in a table like this will give you a good starting point. You will know what you definitely don’t want, and you will have an idea, therefore, of what you might want. You don’t have to know exactly where you are going, so long as it feels pleasant and exciting. The next step is to take action and try things to see what works and what brings you more happiness in your life.

 

Try New Things. 

If you don’t know what you want, then it might be because you have never committed to trying a new or different type of living- and I mean completely committed by giving this new try your all. By trying new things, you learn what you like and dislike/ want and don’t want in life. You want this to be something simple that you can start today. You can add this into your chart as well if you want, and it will look something like this:

Don’t Want: Want: Action:
to fight w spouse enjoy time together spend time together daily, eat&sleep well so not grouchy/tired
lonliness & isolation close friends, social volunteer in town to meet people. Spend time w/ bff
etc.

In this example, the actions recorded are all able to be started today. You could call up your spouse right now and plan a date or just plan on going on a walk together through the neighborhood later. You could go to bed early tonight to ensure a restful sleep, and you can eat good, healthy food for breakfast lunch, and dinner to ensure that you don’t get hungry ad grumpy. You could also set up a time to hang out with your friend, and you could get signed up to start volunteering soon too. All of these baby steps you would be taking today would be catalysts for a better tomorrow. Each step makes it possible for a bigger action step in the future until you are living in the “want” category on the chart above, and not the “Don’t want” category!

 

What Do You Know You Want in Your Life? 

It is ok to feel unsure of what you want! Don’t panic. Don’t feel like you are a hopeless or lost soul. You don’t have to know every little detail of your future life! You just have to look at what you know that you want in your life, and compare it to your current life, and then take action. You don’t have to know every detail of your life. You don’t have to know what every second of your perfect day would look like. You just have to commit yourself to making every day awesome. You have to truly believe in yourself and realize that while you are trying to build yourself your perfect life, it was right there all along. Enjoy the journey. Enjoy the results. Enjoy the present.

When you envision your dream life, what comes to mind? The specifics, I mean. Don’t get bogged down in every little detail, just simply close your eyes and ask yourself this question. Write down your answers.

These are the things that you know you want. For some people, it may be to travel, or to be a singer, or to eat healthier food every day. For others it might be to write a book, or start a business, or meditate daily. There will probably be multiple things that you are positive that you want in your life – probably more than you think. Now that you have figured out what you don’t want, it is much easier to understand what you do want, or at least have a general direction to try out.

Remember, nothing here is permanent and nothing is set in stone. You can always change, in fact you will change. What you want in life changes as you do. You want different things out of life now than you did when you were a kid, right? Exactly! So don’t worry about it. Just go towards your passions, interests, and hobbies, and go away from what you don’t want in life.

“At the center of your being, you have the answer; you know who you are, and you know what you want.” – Lao Tzu

Now, whatever you wrote down for your answer, go do that. Whatever actions you wrote down in the chart, do those too. Start working on it, even if it is in tiny bite-sized portions. Little by little, great things get done.

 

To living your best life,

-Alex

PS- Peace of Mind Proprietary Blend is now on Amazon! If you need less stress and better sleep, you can try it now for 40% off (for a limited time, so now is the time to try it if you are curious!). Check it out. It may also help you relax and center yourself when going through the process of figuring out what you want from your amazing gift of life. 🙂

The Story of the Starfish

Today, I wanted to share a story with you. It may be very short and simple, but it is powerful. After you read this post, I advise you to meditate on the story and what it means for you. The best part is that you can use these insights from meditation to take action and incorporate new habits into your daily life. As a result, you will better yourself, your life, and everyone else around you. 🙂

The Story of the Starfish:

A boy went to the beach with his grandfather. When they got there, they saw that thousands and thousands of starfish had been washed up and were now drying out in the sun. The boy started to throw one starfish after the other back into the water. The grandfather said, “Boy, what are you doing? There are so many that it won’t make any difference if you throw a few back.” The boy picked up a starfish and said, “It makes a difference to him.”

You may wonder why you should even try to help others when there will always be more in need. It is true that you may not be able to help everyone, but if you try then you can help a whole lot more people than if you didn’t try. You may feel powerless in the big and overwhelming world, but the truth is just the opposite:

You are powerful beyond belief and you can do whatever you put your mind to.

The boy’s attitude in this story is contagious. If you were the grandpa, would you not feel more inclined and inspired to help throw the starfish back into the water?  Likewise, if you saw someone helping a stranger, would you not feel more motivated to help someone too? This energy is contagious in people and it catches on quickly, causing something of an exponential effect, yet it only takes one person to start it.

Helping others in a way that you feel you can really contribute is one of the most fulfilling things you can do. Many people have enjoyment in their lives, but they lack fulfillment. No matter how few people you help, it is always worth it.

To the world, you may be just one person. But to one person, you may be the world.

This is just a little snippet on the way I interpreted it, but it definitely isn’t the only way! It is now time to take a look at your own life and decide what this story means for you.  I would love to know what your insights are, so feel free to comment your thoughts below. 🙂

To living a fulfilled life,

Alex

The Power of Intention (Part 1)

The other day I was reading the Teton Spirit Blog and came across a wonderful and amazingly inspiring post by Carolyn CaputoI liked it a lot and wanted to share it with you guys today.

Carolyn Caputo is an Energy Healer and & Self Mastery Mentor who believes in a world of imagination, adventure, and simplicity. She works with trailblazing women & transformational leaders with a desire to lose the excuses, break free uncertainty, fear and exhaustion of the everyday hustle.

I was not endorsed in any way to post this. I simply want you guys to read this and get out of it as much as I did. I hope that it helps you become your best self and live your best life. 🙂

So without further ado, here is Carolyn:

You want to make your life your adventure.

And you don’t have to work 20 jobs just to continue living in this magical place or sacrifice what really makes your heart happy.

I’m guessing that if you’re still reading this you know you were put on this earth to share a message or make an impact somehow.

You know YOU have so much potential.

You have a big goals and dreams that YOU’RE craving to make reality.

But let’s be honest.

You’re tired.

  • Tired of working so hard.
  • Tired of the old emotional, mental and physical patterns that feel like torture to get through.
  • Tired of your analytical mind controlling your every move.
  • Tired of all the should’s and have to’s
  • Tired of struggling to just get by.

You know you deserve more.

You want more.

So what if I told you I had a little secret that would show you how to get it all, without having to do it all?

What if I told you achieving your goals was not about working harder or striving to be something or someone better?

What if I said your answer was simple….. intention.

Goals are great.  They keep us on track and are necessary for success. But they’re also focused on a fixed outcome. You place the power in creating your goal outside of yourself. It takes you out of the moment only to create that “I’m not enough feeling” or “I don’t have enough”.

Think about it, what would you be doing if you weren’t always trying to get somewhere or be someone?

How would you show up differently? How would you allow life to come to you instead of always chasing it?

Intention, on the other hand, isn’t about setting an ego-driven outcome. It’s not about losing weight because society says you should be thinner. It’s not about climbing that next mountain because everyone else it doing it.

It’s fully embodying your dream body, mind and spirit. It’s creating a harmony with your heart and mind and asking yourself what YOU truly want and why.

It’s a feeling. It’s trusting and knowing that whatever it is you’re desiring is already on it’s way to you.

Intention is allowing you to connect to your true self and let grace and ease guide you along the way.

Intention provides space for the “how” to flow to you instead of forcing, and trying so hard to make it happen. Which can cause us to get stuck in thinking it has to be a certain way to succeed.

Your life is up to you. You don’t have time to be living plan B. It’s your life. So why not make every part of it your adventure.

Creating your dream life starts with yourself. You have to be your dream self. You have to know and love yourself unconditionally before you will be able to love your life.

One of my favorite parts from Carolyn’s post is when she asks,

“What would you be doing if you weren’t always trying to get somewhere or be someone?”

Really think about this. Meditate on it. Sleep on it. What would you truthfully be doing? We are always trying so hard to go as fast as we possibly can, and we never even seem to stop and question what we are doing or why. Today I am going to leave you with this question to contemplate and explore.

To living your best life,

-Alex

ps- If you would like to see the original article by Carolyn Caputo, please click here. In my next post, I would like to do a follow up and give you some specific ways to use the power of intention in your own life.

The Art of Living Simply

IMG_3636.jpg

There used to be a time when I would rush around, continually trying to keep up with my day. I was always so busy and preoccupied that I didn’t have time to stop and notice everything around me.

I’m sure we have all felt this way at one point or another. But how often do you find yourself living this way? It’s like you are so busy with life that you have no time to live! How ironic right? But the truth is that many people are stuck on autopilot, speeding around everywhere at 100mph trying to keep up with… what exactly? Themselves? Society?

It is time to slow down and live life to truly live, not just survive and get through it. (see: Stop Living A Mediocre Life!) Time is valuable and we don’t get it back. If you think that you don’t have time to slow down, then you are the one who needs it the most.

Today I would like to show you some ways to cut out what you don’t want, and truly be able to live life. Enjoy!

It is not what we add, but what we subtract, that simplifies our life.  

People are always falling into this trap, where they want to simplify their lives and be happier, so they add more to their already overflowing agenda. Soon enough they are right back to where they started, thinking that whatever they added didn’t work, so they scrap it and add some other method instead. The problem here is not the method they are using (whether they are trying to meditate every day, or write every morning, or eat healthier, etc.) The issue is that they did not subtract. You can’t pour water into a glass forever. At some point it will overflow. Same goes for your life. You can’t keep adding new things forever or you will become too overwhelmed, frustrated, and burnt out, and nothing will work. The key is elimination. If you want more time in life, do less. Cut out anything that you don’t need to do. Study your daily schedule and find where you can eliminate time that is typically wasted and pointless tasks. You must subtract out the old bad habits and time-wasters before you can add more of what you want into your life.

What 20% of sources are causing 80% of my problems and unhappiness? 

The 80/20 rule, also known as the Pareto Principle, was created by Joseph M. Juran. He named this principle after Italian economist Vilfredo Pareto who published his first paper “Cours d’économie politique” in 1896. In this paper he explained that about 80% of the land in Italy was owned by 20% of the population. He also recorded that 20% of the pea pods in his garden contained 80% of the peas. Why is this principle important to living simply? In a book by Richard Koch called, The 80/20 Principle, he explains, “The 80/20 Principle asserts that a minority of causes, inputs, or effort usually leads to a majority of the results, outputs, or rewards.” By remembering this principle, you can understand that 80% of your outcomes comes from 20% of your inputs. Knowing this helps you leverage your time and money to truly live the way that you want to; to live your dream life. If you can understand and apply this principle, then you can live life productively and seek maximum satisfaction by only focusing on what is truly important to you. 

So by asking yourself what 20% of sources are causing 80% of your problems and unhappiness, you are able to begin putting the 80/20 Principle into practice! Once you identify what these issues are, you just have to figure out how to eliminate them from your life. If you can’t completely eliminate them, then at least you can greatly reduce them so that you can spend your time and energy on better things.

What 20% of sources are causing 80% of my desired outcomes and happiness?

Once you have figured out the main issues that you need to eliminate, you can now go on to look at what you can keep and increase in your life! You have subtracted out what you don’t want, and now you have room to add in what you do want. 🙂

You can also ask yourself some other questions based on the 80/20 Principle, such as:

Who are the 20% of people who contribute to 80% of your enjoyment and help you grow?

Who are the 20% of people who cause 80% of your anger and second guessing?

There are so many questions you can ask yourself based on this principle, so don’t limit yourself to just these above. Come up with some of your own if you want! If you have a good one, you can always put it in the comments below so that others can think about it too.

Keep an Open Mind

People with an open mind experience much more in life simply because they are open to it. Keeping an open mind is being slow to judge. It means trying new things, and letting go of old negative energy and grudges. When you keep your mind open, your world opens up too. You find that there are more possibilities for you than you thought and that your life is not just set in stone. It is open to whatever you are. Keeping an open mind opens up new opportunities, adventures, and experiences. It also rids you of a lot of unnecessary negativity that comes with a closed mind. Closed minds are stubborn and complicated. When you start living with an open mind, everything is so much more simple, clear, and fun. You can learn a lot by simply experiencing everything without judging so much.

Listen to Your Inner Self

For me personally, I put a lot of emphasis on this because it is so true. Every time I have tried to ignore what my inner self was telling me, I became miserable. Some people call this inner self God, or the Universe, or your gut feeling, etc. It doesn’t really matter what you call it as long as you understand what I am talking about. Everyone has their own personal preference as to what exactly this inner feeling is. But no one can deny that there is some kind of inner feeling that seems somewhat spiritual in a sense.

To trust your inner self you must first get to know your inner self. Maybe you do this through prayer, or meditation, or some other way. Knowing your inner self is one of the best things you can do for yourself because once you know your inner self, you can listen to its guidance. Your inner self is your true self, and it already knows what you truly want and don’t want out of life. It simply knows everything you need for a fulfilling life. All you have to do is listen.

Sometimes we think we know what we want but when we get it, we realize that we didn’t actually want it. This is because we actually didn’t know what we wanted.  We thought we knew what  we wanted, but in reality we didn’t. This is because we didn’t connect with our inner self. The inner self always knows exactly what you need, and it is always there waiting to show you the way. All you have to do is pay attention to it and be open to it.

By listening to your inner self, you start to live according to your true values and desires. Life becomes more simple because you are not confused with what society wants for you, what you think you want for yourself, and what you really want for yourself. You know deep down what you want, and life becomes much more simple and enjoyable when you listen to that.


There are many other ways to live simply – such as eating healthy meals, hanging out with positive people, keeping your thoughts positive, personal development, smiling, connecting with nature, etc.- but instead I decided to focus on how to easily and permanently change your habits to live a simple and fulfilling life. I believe that if you follow these main principles above, then the rest of living simply will come to you as a byproduct.

To living your best life,

-Alex

You Are The Key

 

Creative-Tail-Objects-mirror.svg.png

“You don’t get out of life what you want, you get out of life who you are.”  -unknown

Your dreams are a direct result of who you are. You must be happy with who you are to be truly happy and truly successful in your life.

The more you are yourself, the better you will understand what you truly want in life and the easier it will be to bring those ideas into your reality. The more you are truly yourself, the more you will be able to make decisions that are in favor of your best life. It is time to become your best self!

“But how?” you might ask, “What is my best self, and how do I even know when I am my best self?”

You are your best self when you have been the best person you could have possibly been in a day. You are your best self when you realize that you are enough. At the same time, you know that you can always become even better, so you learn and practice ways to be better than you were yesterday. You won’t be able to see much progress day to day, but looking back after a year (if you truly give your best effort) you will see a huge amount of improvement. Your best self is simply being the best possible person you can be. Not the best possible person others think you can be. Don’t think that to be your best you have to do what others think makes someone a good person. Do what truly makes you feel like a good person. Do what brings you happiness. By doing this, it will not only lead you to new opportunities, insights, and passions; but it will also be easier to accomplish your current dreams. When you are one with yourself and wholeheartedly being who you really are, things will start to change. Are you ready?

So many people will cover up their true selves to others just because they think that people might disapprove, or reject them. The truth is, though, that if you can’t be your true self around others, then you are not being your true self at all. Once you truly look at yourself and say, “this is who I am; I am simply me,” then you accept yourself as you are, flaws and all. When you talk to others, you will simply be you, not who you think they want you to be. If these people still disapprove of you, then they shouldn’t be in your life anyways. Be kind, but let this relationship fade. There is a quote that says, “the people who matter won’t mind, and the people who mind don’t matter.” It is exactly what I’m getting at. The negative people who don’t accept you for who you truly are, are simply creating more resistance between where you are now and your dream life. I am not saying that it is their fault that you are not living your best life, but I am saying that being around someone who puts you down for being you, or is always negative/judgmental, is not someone who is going to help you become everything you have always wanted. They don’t even believe it can happen for themselves! If they would just become their best self and start living passionately, they would see that not only is it possible, but it is absolutely necessary for a happy and fulfilling life. So just be honest when you are with others like your friends, family, strangers, coworkers, etc. Present yourself to them as you truly are. It feels vulnerable at first, but you will probably be very happily surprised with the results. A change in action precedes a change in results.

“A man may rule the world and still feel that he is unhappy if he is not supremely happy within himself.” -Seneca

So by being your best self now, you are not only more confident, happy, and fulfilled, but you are also well on your way to having your dream life. Work on yourself. Identify your flaws and make them better, read and learn about becoming your best self, get out of your comfort zone often (you are going to do a lot of this to bring your dream life into reality, so being comfortable with being uncomfortable is an awesome skill to have), spend time with people you look up to and want to be like, and mostly, accept and embrace who you are! These are all ways to be true to yourself and become your best self. Of course, there are many more ways out there, so don’t limit yourself to just the options above!

The more you are yourself, the closer you are to living your best life. In fact, one big part of living your dream life is being completely and authentically you. What good is a dream life if you are not able to be yourself? What is the point of any success if you aren’t happy with truly being yourself? What is your dream life worth if you wish you were someone else?

Nothing!

To be happy and successful in life, start with being your best self now. Your life can only be as great as you are!

“Today you are you, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is youer than you.” -Dr. Suess

To being your truest and best self,

-Alex

Welcome! Say Hello To Your Dream Life!

Welcome to my blog!

(Skydiving with Fernando AND getting over my fear of heights- Check out my Youtube video of my first skydive here! It’s pretty entertaining lol.)

FullSizeRender 2

To be honest, I had no idea what to write for my first blog post. I knew I wanted to help people live their dream lives, but it took me weeks to figure out where to start. But the more I thought about it, the clearer it all became.

The Beginning:

It all started about four years ago. I became clinically depressed that year, and for about a year I felt so dead and dull that nothing mattered to me anymore. After about 6 months of depression, I realized my condition and decided that if I didn’t do anything, it would never get better. In fact, it would probably continue to get much worse. So right then, I decided that enough was enough. I decided that I would do anything and everything to get out of depression once and for all, and never fall back into it again. I had nothing to lose, so I went for it relentlessly. It was very difficult and it took some time to overcome- about 6months- but I did it! I have never been back to that dark place, and I am positive that I never will be back there ever again. Now I am out of depression for good!

This is when I realized that my life had been renewed. I had been feeling pretty much dead for a whole year, but now I felt so alive. I couldn’t wait to see what my future had to offer me, and I was so much stronger and happier because of this challenging past experience. From that point on, I promised myself to live my life to the fullest every day. I promised myself to accomplish my dreams, have fun, and to go after everything I ever wanted because life is short and life is what you make it!

Today:

This leads me to right now. The present moment. What a wonderful time to be alive! You are blessed every day with a brand new 24 hours to live your life. But one day, those 24 hours will not be given out to you. One day, you will pass, but for now you are here on this Earth. Think about your 24 hours. How do you spend it? Really ask yourself this question. How much time do you spend eating? Driving maybe? Working? Going to school? What about leisure? Working out? Hanging out with family/friends? Etc. Think about absolutely everything you can come up with in your day. The results may surprise you.

Once you have a pretty good idea of how much time you spend doing each thing every day, ask yourself this: Is this how I want to spend my day? In other words, how much of your day do you spend doing things you dislike? Is it 10%, 50%, 90%? What things specifically do you dislike doing each day? Many people find that they are spending huge amounts of time every day doing things they don’t care about, or don’t like doing at all.

No matter how what your answers were above, ask yourself this: what would be my ideal day? In other words, what does your perfect dream day look like? Don’t get caught up on the time, location, money, or any other potential ‘setbacks’. Let your mind explore and imagine. Let yourself dream.

Now I want you to ask yourself one more question. If time or money were not an issue, what would you do? Really ask yourself this question. If you could do absolutely anything you wanted to do in life right now- with no restrictions- what would you do? This is probably one of the best questions you can ask yourself to find out what you really want from life. Whenever I feel off track, I ask myself this question. You will most likely realize that your answer is not completely what you expected it to be. (Note: If you are having trouble answering this question, check out my post called What Would You Do? for some ideas.)

It always surprises me how many people have never asked themselves these questions before. These questions have not only kept my life on track and in line with my goals, but they have also allowed me to guard my time and use it well. As a result, I have accomplished so many things that I have always wanted to do within a very short amount of time. I have no doubt that these questions can do the same for you!

What This Site Is All About:

And finally, this leads me to what this site is all about. This site is all about living your dream life. It is about being the happiest and best person that you can possibly be. It is about going after your dreams and goals. It is about changing your life and your habits to become everything you have ever wanted. It is about owning your life, and living it to the fullest. It is time to become happy, healthy, and wealthy in all areas of your life. I will be with you every step of the way!

Now is the time to start living the life you have always wanted.

To living your best life,

-Alex