How to Know What You Want (When You Don’t Know What You Want)

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Let me ask you a question: What do you want?

Do you want a fancy house, 8 new cars, and a 30 person hot tub? Or a job working outdoors with a wonderful family to come home to? Or do you want to retire early and travel the world? Or do you want to go to college for a degree? What about health? Do you want to complete a triathlon? Do you prefer jogging 5 miles daily? Or crossfit? Dancing? Sports? Yoga? Do you want abs? Do you want to do all of these things? None of these things? Some of these things?

There are so many options in life!

We all want to live an awesome life, full of adventures, fun, and success. We all want to live our dream lives. We all want to be free in every way- personally, spiritually, physically, politically, etc.

We all know these things. But the problem is that most of us stop there. We don’t ever get to this place of freedom and happiness. Why? One reason is we might not know what we really want. Yes, we know in general that we want to be happy, wealthy, healthy, etc., but we need to get a little more specific and focused to figure out what we truly want.

Ask yourself this question: what do you visualize as your dream life?

What are you specifically doing? This may bring up a wall for you. Your mind might go blank. You may not know exactly what you want it to look like. There are so many paths that your life could take. You might begin to realize that you don’t really know what it is that you truly want.

Here are three things you can do to figure out what you want from life:

 

Figure Out What You Don’t Want. Then Flip It. 

Sometimes we don’t know what we want out of life, but we do know what we DON’T want! If you are having trouble finding purpose and direction in your life, start out with what you don’t want to do. What do you dislike or hate? What are your least favorite things to do? What are you unhappy about in your life right now? Write your answers down so you can see them plain and clear for what they are! These negativities in your life are causing you pain and suffering. Luckily, you can turn these negative things into amazing triumphs! It is time to turn your life around and get happy! If you are clear on what you don’t want in life, then you can steer away from those unpleasant areas and move in a more positive direction. What I would advise is this: Get a piece of paper and draw a line down the middle. On the left side write down all the things you don’t want in the given situation, or just life in general. Once you have finished listing your non-wants and dislikes, look at each non-want and write down the opposite of it in the right column.  It should look like this example:

Don’t Want: Want:
to fight w/ spouse good communication & enjoy time w/ spouse
loneliness & isolation close friends and frequent social interaction
etc.

Filling in a table like this will give you a good starting point. You will know what you definitely don’t want, and you will have an idea, therefore, of what you might want. You don’t have to know exactly where you are going, so long as it feels pleasant and exciting. The next step is to take action and try things to see what works and what brings you more happiness in your life.

 

Try New Things. 

If you don’t know what you want, then it might be because you have never committed to trying a new or different type of living- and I mean completely committed by giving this new try your all. By trying new things, you learn what you like and dislike/ want and don’t want in life. You want this to be something simple that you can start today. You can add this into your chart as well if you want, and it will look something like this:

Don’t Want: Want: Action:
to fight w spouse enjoy time together spend time together daily, eat&sleep well so not grouchy/tired
lonliness & isolation close friends, social volunteer in town to meet people. Spend time w/ bff
etc.

In this example, the actions recorded are all able to be started today. You could call up your spouse right now and plan a date or just plan on going on a walk together through the neighborhood later. You could go to bed early tonight to ensure a restful sleep, and you can eat good, healthy food for breakfast lunch, and dinner to ensure that you don’t get hungry ad grumpy. You could also set up a time to hang out with your friend, and you could get signed up to start volunteering soon too. All of these baby steps you would be taking today would be catalysts for a better tomorrow. Each step makes it possible for a bigger action step in the future until you are living in the “want” category on the chart above, and not the “Don’t want” category!

 

What Do You Know You Want in Your Life? 

It is ok to feel unsure of what you want! Don’t panic. Don’t feel like you are a hopeless or lost soul. You don’t have to know every little detail of your future life! You just have to look at what you know that you want in your life, and compare it to your current life, and then take action. You don’t have to know every detail of your life. You don’t have to know what every second of your perfect day would look like. You just have to commit yourself to making every day awesome. You have to truly believe in yourself and realize that while you are trying to build yourself your perfect life, it was right there all along. Enjoy the journey. Enjoy the results. Enjoy the present.

When you envision your dream life, what comes to mind? The specifics, I mean. Don’t get bogged down in every little detail, just simply close your eyes and ask yourself this question. Write down your answers.

These are the things that you know you want. For some people, it may be to travel, or to be a singer, or to eat healthier food every day. For others it might be to write a book, or start a business, or meditate daily. There will probably be multiple things that you are positive that you want in your life – probably more than you think. Now that you have figured out what you don’t want, it is much easier to understand what you do want, or at least have a general direction to try out.

Remember, nothing here is permanent and nothing is set in stone. You can always change, in fact you will change. What you want in life changes as you do. You want different things out of life now than you did when you were a kid, right? Exactly! So don’t worry about it. Just go towards your passions, interests, and hobbies, and go away from what you don’t want in life.

“At the center of your being, you have the answer; you know who you are, and you know what you want.” – Lao Tzu

Now, whatever you wrote down for your answer, go do that. Whatever actions you wrote down in the chart, do those too. Start working on it, even if it is in tiny bite-sized portions. Little by little, great things get done.

 

To living your best life,

-Alex

PS- Peace of Mind Proprietary Blend is now on Amazon! If you need less stress and better sleep, you can try it now for 40% off (for a limited time, so now is the time to try it if you are curious!). Check it out. It may also help you relax and center yourself when going through the process of figuring out what you want from your amazing gift of life. 🙂

How Well Do You Know Yourself? | The Question Game

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To live your best life, you also must become your best self. To become your best self, you have to know yourself thoroughly, inside and out. Many times you get to know your true self through experiences, your reactions to certain events, meditation, etc. But today we are going to play a game to help you become an expert on yourself.

It is time for the game! It is probably a little different from the other games you have played before. For one thing, it is only a one-person game. And secondly, it will probably result in more personal insights than pure entertainment. So let’s play! This game comes from my upcoming book, The Truth About High School, which I wrote for high school students but a lot of its content applies to anyone of any age.

 

The Question Game:

How to play: Ask yourself and answer as many of the questions as you want to. Answer them in as much detail as you can. (Note: the questions that you do not want to answer might give you some insight into what you are avoiding asking yourself. If you feel that you aren’t answering certain questions because you don’t want to face something, then answering that question is exactly what you need to do.)

How to win: Learn something about yourself that you weren’t consciously aware of beforehand.

 

Get out a piece of paper and something to write with. You are going to want these answers in writing!

 

It’s Game time!

Questions:

  • On a scale of 1-10 (1 being the least, 10 being the most) how much do you like yourself?
    • Why did you pick that number?
    • What exactly do you like about yourself? What exactly don’t you like about yourself?
    • How can you take what you don’t like about yourself (if anything) and change it into something you do like about yourself? (note: the question game does not take “I can’t” or “that’s impossible” as an answer. If you resort to these answers, you automatically lose… Harsh, I know – but so is an overly pessimistic outlook on life.)
  • What are you passionate about?
    • What percentage of your day is spent doing what you are passionate about?
    • How can you do more of your passions and less of what you don’t want to do?
  • On a scale of 1-10 how happy are you?
    • Why did you choose that number?
    • What specifically brings you happiness in your life?
    • What specifically brings you unhappiness in your life?
    • What can you do do get rid of or reduce your unhappiness in your life right now (if any)?
    • What would bring more happiness into your life?
  • Who do you hang out with?
    • Are they people you enjoy and look up to? Or are they people you actually don’t like very much?
    • What feeling do you get when you are around them? Are you happy, annoyed, bored, excited, angry, uncomfortable, insecure, etc.?
    • Name your top 5 closest friends. Now ask yourself why you hang out with each of them.
    • Are the qualities in your top 5 friends qualities you look up to and want to be like?
      • If not, what qualities do you look up to and want to be like? Do you know anyone who has some of those qualities that you could make friends with?
    • What animal represents you and why?
    • What do you see yourself doing in…
      • …1 year
      • …5 years
      • …10 years
      • Why? Of all the things you can do in your future, why are you doing these?
    • If you had two or three months to do absolutely whatever you wanted, what would you do?
      • How could you make this possible now or sometime in the near future?
      • If you could not do all of those things you see yourself doing in 1-5-10 years in the future, what would you chooses to do instead? In 1 year? In 5 years? In 10 years?
    • Finish these sentences:
      • I am:
      • I need:
      • I want:
      • 5 adjectives that best describe me are:
      • I am proud of:
      • Three of my accomplishments are:
    • What energizes you? In other words, what activities do you do (or want to do) that make you feel excited? What excites you?
      • Pick one from the list you just made. What can you do today to start working toward this goal?
    • What are you really good at? What are your strong points?
      • How can you leverage your talents to make life easier and to use to your advantage?
    • What are you really bad at? What are your weak points?
      • How can you improve? How can you use your strengths to improve on your weaknesses?
    • Have you been putting your energy, effort, and focus into your strengths or your weaknesses in your life?
    • What would you do/be/have if you had $10m in the bank?
    • If you found out that you were going to die in five years what would you do?
      • One year?
      • In a month?
      • Tomorrow?
    • How often do you find yourself following the crowd?
    • How often do you find yourself challenging the status quo, and instead, doing your own thing?
    • what would you be doing if you weren’t always trying to get somewhere or be someone?
    • Who do you look up to?
      • Why?
      • What qualities or skills do they have that you want to be better at?
    • Make up your own questions and answer them! It’s time to think about all of those deep questions that you have avoided answering.

 

The purpose of this game is to get you thinking about who you really want to be. It will ask you questions about who you believe you are, and then you can determine whether or not you would like to change anything about yourself.  You don’t find yourself, you make yourself up. Therefore, to become your greatest version, it is important to know yourself completely. You can’t live your dream life without knowing your true self. They are a package deal. Without truly knowing yourself, you are not able to live up to your full potential. So stop playing small and cutting yourself short. Life is too quick for that! Stop hiding from yourself. The world needs more people who are willing to step out and share their gifts, instead of shrinking back and pretending that they are not there. Small thinking and small actions lead to small-minded people. You’re better than that! You are reading this right now because you want to live an amazing life. Why should you settle for anything less? But to live that way, you’ve got to be that way first within yourself.

 

To Becoming your best self,

Alex 🙂

I Did.

Think about it.

In the moment of your death, your life will flash before your eyes. Looking back through your life, will you say, “I wish I had…” or will you say, “I did!”?

I imagine that you want to be able to look back and feel a sense of wholeness when you reflect. You want to know that you lived your life to the fullest and you did the things you wanted to do in life, and you impacted the world and others in a positive way.

Working backward from your last day on Earth is a great way to realize what is important to you in life, and what you should focus your time and energy on. Your life is whatever you want it to be. It is an interesting story. When it starts to feel boring and dull, it means that you are not living your dreams. You are living according to someone else, not yourself. When life gets complicated, it is simply because you haven’t taken enough time to thoroughly look at your life, your current situation, your past habits and beliefs, and your inner self. When you live according to anyone but yourself, be it society’s whims, another person, and institute, etc. you are not living your true life of passion.

So how do you get back to living your dream life? How do you stop living a boring, monotonous life? How do you free yourself from the habits of the past and begin on your path toward personal freedom? It’s quite simple, actually. You just have to put your dreams first. Don’t let your other obligations get in the way all the time. Put aside some time every day to work on your dreams, and guard this time relentlessly. This is your time to get you where you want to be in life, whether that is spending more time each day with your kids, becoming financially free, going on a vacation to Thailand each year, having a better sex life and relationship with your spouse, meditating for 20 minutes each day, etc. Don’t let yourself become distracted with other things during this amount of time that you set aside for dreams. Take this time to grow and work on creating your dream life until it is a reality.

Living how you are ‘supposed to’ according to everyone else is not necessarily the way that you want to live. We are individuals. We are not ‘one size fits all’. We are unique and what is right for one person is not right for another. This is why your dreams have to come first. If you don’t make them top priority, then society and others will continue to dictate how you live your life. If you let anyone else other than your inner self rule your life, then you will most likely never do the things you have always wanted to. You will never get to feel that major sense of inner peace and freedom you have when living your best life. You are the only one who can make your dream life come true. You must take your dreams by the hand and make sure that you are truly giving all you can to make them a reality.

You will reach all you want if you can just simply put your dreams first, be patient as you work on them, and know that they will all come to you just the way they are supposed to. You may not end up exactly where you imagined you would be, and you will take some interesting turns and detours to get there, but you will eventually reach your best life. It will be your amazing life; no one else’s. Simply your life, your freedom, your lifestyle, and your true happiness.

Instead of always wishing to do something, cut out the excuses – make it happen and be able to say, “I did!”

To living your best life,

-Alex

Three Little Questions

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Today is a short post. It is just a simple exercise created by the Dalai Lama that can be done in less than five minutes, but the results are big. The beauty is in the simplicity of this exercise. Try it out for yourself 🙂 :

Dalai Lama’s simple exercise for happiness:

Answer for yourself these three questions:

  • Are you having a good day?
  •  Why?
  • Tomorrow, would you rather have a good day or a bad day?

That’s all!

The simplicity of this exercise is deceiving. It is so simple that most people will not even try it, and they will miss the benefits of the results. The most powerful part of this exercise is asking the question, ‘why?’. By asking yourself why you are having a good or bad day, you can objectively look at what you are doing to bring yourself happiness and peace, or unhappiness and stress. This exercise can be used as a guide to help you determine what you need for a happy, healthy, and wealthy life. It will help you understand what you need in your life, and also show you where your life is out of balance.

Living your dreams really can be as simple as asking the right questions, and then following through with your answers through your actions. If you would like to stop living a mediocre life, then this is another step toward a better tomorrow, or even a better rest of the day.

Imagine if you did this exercise once per week and wrote down your answers each time. You would learn so much about yourself and what happiness is to you. After a year, you would have 52 answers about why you were happy or unhappy on one particular day each week for the entire year! That’s some good data on yourself that could be used to find patterns and bad habits causing unhappiness. At the same time, you will be able to see patterns and habits that bring more personal happiness into your life.

So what about the answers you came up with today? What are they telling you about your current lifestyle? Habits? Yourself? Based on your answers from the exercise, what can you change, add, or subtract to bring more happiness into your life?

 

To living your best life and being your best self,

-Alex 🙂

What Would You Do?

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Last year I was part of a network marketing company.  There was one thing I really liked about the company’s procedures which really stood out. Whenever we talked to a new person to who was considering joining the company, we would first ask them:

“If time or money were not an issue, what would you do?”

People’s answers said a lot about them and their deeper wants, needs, or aspirations in life (or whether they had given it much thought at all). Whether I knew the person or not, asking this question was like turning on a flashlight in a dark room. I suddenly understood the person a lot better, and I felt like I could see a little bit of their true selves shining through. It made me feel like I was Kalina Silverman in the “Big Talk: Before I Die…” video.

Here are some of the answers I received:


#1. Insurance broker, male

“If time or money were not an issue, I would explore the world, because there is so much out there to see and experience. I would also buy back my family’s farm and have friends and family over often.”

#2. Recent CSU Chico college graduate, female

“If time or money was not an issue, I would like to help others in need.”

#3. Sophomore in community college, male

“If time or money were not an issue, I would Become a model. I would also be a machinist. I would also be a video photographer for film. I would also be a data analyzer for a company.”

#4. College freshman, female

“If money wasn’t an issue I would pay off school and housing before anything so that my parents wouldn’t be stressed out about getting it paid every month. Once that was taken care of as well as my family, I would give back. I would give back to my community and school and anyone else that was in need or anyone that ever helped me. I really wish money wasn’t an issue but unfortunately it is although I know one day it won’t be.”

#5. CSU Chico college freshman, female

“If time or money where not an issue for me, I would definitely dedicate my time to travel around the world. This is because, first of all, I love to travel, and another reason is that i love getting to know more about the individuality of every culture. In this scenario I would also take advantage that I am in different parts of the world to learn more languages. I would also dedicate myself to working out more often – and by working out i mean playing basketball. I love to play basketball. I have played since i was 6 years old and have continued to play until this year which is my freshman year at Chico State University. I would also like to travel with my fiancé.”

#6. High School Senior, male 

“If Time or money were not an issue I would be an artist- like drawing or writing. Probably mostly a writer of novels. I really enjoy it and I have realized lately that I like it. I would also go on a cross country road trip.”

#7. College Freshman, Baseball player, male

“I would hang out mostly- I probably wouldn’t do too much. I would also get a house so that I would have a place to live, and I’d also get my parents a house. I don’t really know what else.”

#8. High School Senior, female

“If time or money were not an issue, I would use it to do things that I have always wanted to do, such as travel around to certain places, and do more volunteer work at certain places and all around.”

#9. UC Santa Barbara, college freshman, female

“If time or money were not an issue, I would be a professional dancer, and I would spend every day hiking and doing stuff outside.”

#10. Father and husband from Twin Falls, Idaho 

“If time and money were not an issue, I would definitely spend as much time with my wife and kids, taking them wherever they want and watching them all grow up right before my eyes, cherishing every moment.”

#11 Community college student

“If time or money were not an issue, I’d probably be traveling. Where? All over Europe, Austrailia, places I’ve never been. I’d want to go with my mom. We get great deals too because she’s a flight attendant.  I’d also be buying cool cars, stuff like that. I’m a Ferrari guy.” 


Do you think that these people should go for their dreams?

“Of course!” you say.

But what about you? Should you go after your dreams? Why are you so hesitant to say yes for yourself, while you are so quick to say yes for others? You know yourself better than you know them, so why do you believe in their abilities while doubting your own?

Fear. We get inside our own heads. The root of your procrastination, doubts, and complaints (including convincing yourself that your dreams will never happen) are due to deeply rooted fear. Fear has been said to stand for “False Evidence Appearing Real” and I tend to agree with this definition. Most of the time, fear is unwarranted. You have to keep in mind that you are the only one who can make your dream life become a reality. No one else is going to do it for you. There are enough people and institutions trying to limit you already, so don’t willingly enslave yourself to your own fears. It is time to put your fears aside and Take The Leap into the unknown.

So, what about you?  If time or money were not an issue, what would you do?

Take your time imagining exactly what you would do, then write down your answer. With the right mindset, you are already halfway there.

To living your dreams,

-Alex 🙂

Stop Living a Mediocre Life!

What exactly is a mediocre life? Well, you could define it like this: A mediocre life is your style of living (made up of habits, actions, people, thoughts, responsibilities, etc.) that you have settled for, which is not up to your hopes or standards and gives you feelings of boredom, monotony, and a fixed mindset.

If you feel like your life is boring, pointless, just the same as everyone else’s, monotonous, or just not that great, then you are living a mediocre life. You are more than what you are settling for. Now, if you know what you are worth then go out and get it! You are attracting your mediocrity because you subconsciously believe that it is all you can do, and that this is the best life you are able to live. But deep down, there are desires and talents that must come out! You can live an amazing life. You can be all that you want. You are the one. You are powerful. You are here on this earth at this time in this form as you, to do all that you would like to do, and be all that you would like to be.

It is time to stop living a mediocre life! Don’t wait until next week, or next month, or even tomorrow. It stops today! It’s time to get up and do something about it! Don’t have time? Make time. If you don’t have time to do something that is this important, then you don’t have your priorities in order. This is your life. You only get one. There is no excuse. It is time to change. It is time to become satisfied and proud of yourself and the life you are living. Are you ready? Doing this is much simpler than you might think. Here is what you need to do:

First, carve out some time for yourself. Maybe a Saturday morning, or a Tuesday afternoon. Whenever you can get a good chunk of time alone to just be with yourself and not be interrupted. Get a pen and paper. Ask yourself these questions below. Write your answers on the paper.

  1. Why do I consider my life to be mediocre? Be as specific and detailed as possible.
  2. What exactly is holding me back and keeping me here living this mediocre style of life? 
  3. How can I change each situation listed above so that I can live the life I desire? Write down 3 actionable steps for each.
  4. What habits do I have that are keeping me away from being a better person and enjoying a better life?
  5. How can I change these habits into something that will benefit me and my life? (See previous post Living From Intentional Habits (Or: Killing Bad Habits and Monotonous Routines) to help you with this step.)
  6. What exactly do I want my life to look like? What is your dream life? Be as specific and detailed as possible.
  7. Why? Why do you want your life to look like your previous description? Why is each of part of your dream important to you? Does it solve a problem? Is it something that you have always wanted? Is it something that you think is really cool? Does each part of your dream life excite you? Be as specific and detailed as possible.
  8. After asking why, is there anything that I need to change about my dream life?
  9. What is the one thing I can do today that will be the best step toward my new dream life, and away from my old mediocre life? What is the most efficient and effective thing you can do today (or right now) to propel you toward your best life?
  10. What can I move around in my schedule so that I can work on this every day until my new life is a reality?

That’s it! It is a simple process, but it is not necessarily easy. Anyone can ask these questions, but it takes a lot of effort and concentrated thinking to find the answers. Most people don’t get this far. They try to answer the questions above and they give up because it is hard. But you know what is harder? Continuing to live a life that does not live up to your dreams and values. Answer the questions and you will know what you must do next. Here are a couple more things to keep in mind:

Believe in yourself! If you don’t believe in yourself, no one else will either. You must believe in you. Invest in yourself. Develop your spiritual side. Focus on personal development and connecting with your inner spirit. If you don’t like being alone with yourself, be alone and make peace. Inner peace. It is a way of living, not a destination. Simply know that you are perfect and ready for the world just the way you are. You are important to the world because it only takes one to change the world. If you change your life, you change your world.

Take time to ponder yourself and your life. Meditate and relax. Clear your mind. Reflect. Journal. Visualize the future and other positive visions for greatness. Take time to do this at least once per week. I carve out a few hours one day per week for this. I also spend some time doing these things almost every single day. Specifically, you could set a time, or a reminder.

People who live amazing lives are also amazingly thankful. I have a sticky note up on the wall in my bedroom right next to my bedside table that says, “I am thankful for…”. I purposefully put it in a place that I always look so that I am always thinking of something I am grateful for that can finish the phrase. Most of the time our mediocre life does not come from our situations in our everyday circumstances. Most of the time, it comes from our fears, false beliefs, and fixed mindsets. By taking time for yourself to meditate, think, visualize, etc., your quality of life will improve.

If you want to live an extraordinary life, stop being and doing the ordinary. Do what makes you happy. Do things for you because you decided to and because you want to. Think and act for yourself. Don’t just blindly follow what everyone else is doing. Just because most people do something doesn’t mean that it is the right way or the best way. Most of the time, these people have no idea what they are doing or where they are going. If you find yourself doing the same thing as everyone else, you should probably think about whether it is right for you. If not, no matter how many other people are doing it, you should choose another direction.

If you would like to live a mediocre life, then don’t change and keep doing what you have always been doing. But once you know that you are not living the way you desire, it is difficult to just simply ignore this truth and fade back to your old ways. It has your attention and now that you have noticed, it sticks out like a sore thumb. This is because parts of your life do not line up with your values and dreams. It is time to change! It is time to grow. It is time to become your best version and live an amazing life. No more mediocrity!

To living your best life,

-Alex

Take The Leap

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For many of us, living our dream lives it is not a question of what we want- many of us already know the answer to that. It is more of a question as to whether or not we can believe in ourselves enough to do it. It’s all in our mindset. While we can live a lifestyle of living our best life every day, there are certain things that we might visualize ourselves doing in our dream lives which we are not doing at the moment.

When we think of what our best lives look like, many of us have some kind of big goal or dream that we have been putting off for a long time. These goals are probably crying out for attention. We really want to do it, and it causes us some stress that we haven’t done it yet, since we have been meaning to for so long. We also know that our dream life is not complete without attempting this pending dream that we have. Many people are scared to do what they know they need to do to live their best and most fulfilling life.

It is like if you are standing right at the ledge on top of a cliff, and everything you ever wanted was at the bottom of the cliff. There is no other way down but to jump. But you are afraid. What if something goes wrong? What if it hurts to land? It is hard to see everything at the bottom of the cliff clearly. What if it is not that great after all? How is this going to work out? You aren’t sure, so you try to find out for yourself. You read books all about the cliff. You ask others what they think. But you know that your questions and worries will only be answered if you jump. You are scared. All of this research took time, but ultimately, it is all up to you to find out. And now you are standing on the ledge, looking down. You can see all that you want below. You are so close that you can almost touch it! You really want it! And even though you are afraid of the unknown, you know what you have to do. You have to take the jump. You worry; you try to find an alternative to what you want. But deep down you know that the only way is to take the leap. Finally one day, you say enough is enough. No matter what, I am ready to go after what I want. You grab your parachute, shut your eyes tightly, and you jump off the cliff.

Usually, it is fear of the unknown that holds us back the most. Once you have jumped off the cliff, you will realize that you wasted a lot of time worrying and avoiding the cliff. Had you just jumped in the first place without over thinking, you would have been where you wanted to be a lot sooner, and saved your body, mind, and spirit a lot of stress. Procrastination, worry, doubt, and fear quickly lead to self doubt and unrest.

The leap is the unknown- the space between where you are and where you want to be in a goal. It is what everyone is so worried about before they jump. People get so focused on the process and the unknown that they forget to look at the results. They forget about what is at the bottom if they can just simply jump. Of course it is scary. Of course there will be things that you don’t know or don’t understand – you have never done it before! But once you take the leap, you are in motion. You are moving toward your goals and more into your dream life.

As you fall, you gain speed. You can see the ground getting closer and closer. Now you know that you are going to make it! The closer you get, the more you can see below. It looks similar to what you saw at the top of the cliff, but now you can see that there is way more here than you ever dreamed of having.

The process on the way down the cliff is not neccesarily an easy one. There are a lot of emotional and mental ups and downs, just like a roller coaster. But as long as you continue working patiently and persistently toward your goal, you will end up where you want to be. You just have to trust in yourself, and remind yourself that even if your goal or dream doesn’t work out the way you planned, it is better to try than to never know. It is never too late to change. You will always end up where you are meant to be.

And finally, you land. Now that you are on the ground you not only have a different perspective on everything you ever wanted, but also have a different perspective on life and on the cliff. Suddenly others are asking you what jumping from the cliff is like, trying to muster up their own courage to do it themselves. Although you went through good and bad times while you were falling down the cliff, the process was unique, beautiful, and so worth it. At the top of the cliff you had been living a happy and healthy life. Now you have your dream accomplished to enrich and enhance your life that much more.

Living your dream life is not just about living your happiest and healthiest life. It is also about realizing your dreams and making them a reality. These goals and dreams are just as important as being happy and healthy- in fact, they tie right in. If there is something that you have been really wanting to do in your life for a long time, it is time to take the leap. It is time to just do it. Jumping is the hardest part.

“An object at rest stays at rest, and an object in motion stays in motion with the same speed and in the same direction unless acted upon by an unbalanced force.” – Newton’s first law of motion, also referred to as the law of inertia.

Take a minute to stop everything you are doing and really search your soul. When you look at what you want your life to look like, what do you see there that isn’t in your life right now? What dream or goal do you have that you have been putting off? If you have more than one goal, choose the one you want the most, or the one that has been put off the longest.

This is your work now. Don’t put it off any longer. Put aside your fears; they are never going to subside unless you take action. Just take the leap.

To living your best life and being your best self,

-Alex

You Are The Key

 

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“You don’t get out of life what you want, you get out of life who you are.”  -unknown

Your dreams are a direct result of who you are. You must be happy with who you are to be truly happy and truly successful in your life.

The more you are yourself, the better you will understand what you truly want in life and the easier it will be to bring those ideas into your reality. The more you are truly yourself, the more you will be able to make decisions that are in favor of your best life. It is time to become your best self!

“But how?” you might ask, “What is my best self, and how do I even know when I am my best self?”

You are your best self when you have been the best person you could have possibly been in a day. You are your best self when you realize that you are enough. At the same time, you know that you can always become even better, so you learn and practice ways to be better than you were yesterday. You won’t be able to see much progress day to day, but looking back after a year (if you truly give your best effort) you will see a huge amount of improvement. Your best self is simply being the best possible person you can be. Not the best possible person others think you can be. Don’t think that to be your best you have to do what others think makes someone a good person. Do what truly makes you feel like a good person. Do what brings you happiness. By doing this, it will not only lead you to new opportunities, insights, and passions; but it will also be easier to accomplish your current dreams. When you are one with yourself and wholeheartedly being who you really are, things will start to change. Are you ready?

So many people will cover up their true selves to others just because they think that people might disapprove, or reject them. The truth is, though, that if you can’t be your true self around others, then you are not being your true self at all. Once you truly look at yourself and say, “this is who I am; I am simply me,” then you accept yourself as you are, flaws and all. When you talk to others, you will simply be you, not who you think they want you to be. If these people still disapprove of you, then they shouldn’t be in your life anyways. Be kind, but let this relationship fade. There is a quote that says, “the people who matter won’t mind, and the people who mind don’t matter.” It is exactly what I’m getting at. The negative people who don’t accept you for who you truly are, are simply creating more resistance between where you are now and your dream life. I am not saying that it is their fault that you are not living your best life, but I am saying that being around someone who puts you down for being you, or is always negative/judgmental, is not someone who is going to help you become everything you have always wanted. They don’t even believe it can happen for themselves! If they would just become their best self and start living passionately, they would see that not only is it possible, but it is absolutely necessary for a happy and fulfilling life. So just be honest when you are with others like your friends, family, strangers, coworkers, etc. Present yourself to them as you truly are. It feels vulnerable at first, but you will probably be very happily surprised with the results. A change in action precedes a change in results.

“A man may rule the world and still feel that he is unhappy if he is not supremely happy within himself.” -Seneca

So by being your best self now, you are not only more confident, happy, and fulfilled, but you are also well on your way to having your dream life. Work on yourself. Identify your flaws and make them better, read and learn about becoming your best self, get out of your comfort zone often (you are going to do a lot of this to bring your dream life into reality, so being comfortable with being uncomfortable is an awesome skill to have), spend time with people you look up to and want to be like, and mostly, accept and embrace who you are! These are all ways to be true to yourself and become your best self. Of course, there are many more ways out there, so don’t limit yourself to just the options above!

The more you are yourself, the closer you are to living your best life. In fact, one big part of living your dream life is being completely and authentically you. What good is a dream life if you are not able to be yourself? What is the point of any success if you aren’t happy with truly being yourself? What is your dream life worth if you wish you were someone else?

Nothing!

To be happy and successful in life, start with being your best self now. Your life can only be as great as you are!

“Today you are you, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is youer than you.” -Dr. Suess

To being your truest and best self,

-Alex

You Can Live Your Dreams by Asking the Right Questions

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To live your dream life and to become the best you can be, you must first ask yourself the right questions. By asking yourself the right questions every day, you will find that some of your daily habits, goals, and dreams are not actually what you want. You will also find that you might want to add something to your vision of your dream life. By asking the right questions, you will be able to figure out what you are truly striving for.

I used to ask myself, “What are my goals?”and, “What can I do today to accomplish these goals?” I have been asking myself these questions for years, and these questions helped guide my day and life. But I realized that they were not the questions I should be focusing all of my energy on every day, and I’ll explain why.

There is nothing wrong with these questions about goals, in fact they are great questions that you should ask yourself! But for true happiness and success in living your dream life and becoming who you were meant to be, these are not the most important questions to ask yourself. Let me explain.

First of all, don’t confuse success and happiness as the same thing. True happiness comes from within, and so does true success. But true success can only come from someone who has true happiness within them. It may look like someone is successful on the outside. They may have tons of money, cars, family, vacations, you name it! But If they aren’t happy then they aren’t successful either, because not only do they feel unsuccessful, but they also can’t enjoy their own success due to their unhappiness. True success is a feeling, and it has little to do with anything external other than a sense of accomplishment (which is also a feeling, and you can get this feeling from having true happiness).

So many people fall for the ‘outer success’ trap where they feel like they need to create this image of success for other people to see. But truthfully, this show they are putting on is not real success. And it is definitely not real happiness either. When you are truly happy, you aren’t worried about what others think. You are not tying to pretend or put on a show, you really are happy.  And the same goes for true success, since true success comes from true happiness. If all you are trying to do is please the world and chase after society’s idea of success and happiness, you will always be running. You will never find real happiness, and you will never be truly and personally successful. It is time to find out what  happiness and success looks like to you, and you only.  By thinking about this, you make sure that your goals are for you, and not for any other outward reason.

Recently, I became very sick and I was feeling absolutely terrible. All I could really do was lie in bed because I didn’t have the energy to do anything else. Although I was feeling awful, being forced to lie in bed for a week was actually a blessing in disguise. It gave me some time for my body and mind to slow down, recoup, and think about how life was going. I realized a few things:

  1. I was looking back at the years and everything I had accomplished, and I realized that I had accomplished all of this great stuff and I was currently working on accomplishing even more, but I didn’t feel any happier or sadder. I felt the same as I did a year or two ago! This surprised me because I figured that I would feel happier since I had accomplished all of these goals that I had wanted so badly and worked so hard to reach.
  2. I was working too much on my goals, and too little on my inner happiness. True, lasting happiness does not come from reaching your goals. Having your goals and dreams become reality will contribute towards happiness, but these will never bring lasting happiness because your goals and dreams are always changing as you change. True happiness comes from within.
  3. True success is a result of true happiness.
  4. True success is when you feel successful. Whether or not you are seen as successful by others doesn’t matter. If you are happy, your personal success will naturally follow.
  5. I realized that I value happiness over success, so all this time I have been focusing so hard on the wrong questions! Instead of asking myself about my goals all the time, I should be asking myself about my happiness more often. Questions like:
    • “What makes me happy?”
    • “What do I truly enjoy doing?”
    • “What excites me?”
    • “What is happiness to me?”
    • “What can I do today to bring more happiness into my life?”

Ask yourself these questions, and really think about the answers. Let your mind be open, and don’t try to shut out any answer you think of. Each answer you think of is there for a reason!

When you start focusing on asking yourself the right questions, you suddenly see everything in a new light. You will notice that you might have some new goals, and at the same time you might have gotten rid of some goals that actually weren’t as important to you as you thought. By asking yourself what makes you happy, you will realize that you will naturally weed out the goals you have that don’t support that question. This is great because the goals you just dumped were motivated by external things, such as money, hype, other people’s opinions, etc.! External stuff. To live your best and happiest life, make goals motivated by passion and inner happiness. By getting rid of anything in your life that does not correlate with your happiness, a big burden is lifted from your shoulders, because you are no longer a slave to it anymore! You are free to truly live your best life and be your best you!

“People are just about as happy as they make up their minds to be”

– U.S. President Abraham Lincoln

So what will you do today to bring more happiness into your life? 🙂

To your truest happiness and success!

-Alex

Welcome! Say Hello To Your Dream Life!

Welcome to my blog!

(Skydiving with Fernando AND getting over my fear of heights- Check out my Youtube video of my first skydive here! It’s pretty entertaining lol.)

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To be honest, I had no idea what to write for my first blog post. I knew I wanted to help people live their dream lives, but it took me weeks to figure out where to start. But the more I thought about it, the clearer it all became.

The Beginning:

It all started about four years ago. I became clinically depressed that year, and for about a year I felt so dead and dull that nothing mattered to me anymore. After about 6 months of depression, I realized my condition and decided that if I didn’t do anything, it would never get better. In fact, it would probably continue to get much worse. So right then, I decided that enough was enough. I decided that I would do anything and everything to get out of depression once and for all, and never fall back into it again. I had nothing to lose, so I went for it relentlessly. It was very difficult and it took some time to overcome- about 6months- but I did it! I have never been back to that dark place, and I am positive that I never will be back there ever again. Now I am out of depression for good!

This is when I realized that my life had been renewed. I had been feeling pretty much dead for a whole year, but now I felt so alive. I couldn’t wait to see what my future had to offer me, and I was so much stronger and happier because of this challenging past experience. From that point on, I promised myself to live my life to the fullest every day. I promised myself to accomplish my dreams, have fun, and to go after everything I ever wanted because life is short and life is what you make it!

Today:

This leads me to right now. The present moment. What a wonderful time to be alive! You are blessed every day with a brand new 24 hours to live your life. But one day, those 24 hours will not be given out to you. One day, you will pass, but for now you are here on this Earth. Think about your 24 hours. How do you spend it? Really ask yourself this question. How much time do you spend eating? Driving maybe? Working? Going to school? What about leisure? Working out? Hanging out with family/friends? Etc. Think about absolutely everything you can come up with in your day. The results may surprise you.

Once you have a pretty good idea of how much time you spend doing each thing every day, ask yourself this: Is this how I want to spend my day? In other words, how much of your day do you spend doing things you dislike? Is it 10%, 50%, 90%? What things specifically do you dislike doing each day? Many people find that they are spending huge amounts of time every day doing things they don’t care about, or don’t like doing at all.

No matter how what your answers were above, ask yourself this: what would be my ideal day? In other words, what does your perfect dream day look like? Don’t get caught up on the time, location, money, or any other potential ‘setbacks’. Let your mind explore and imagine. Let yourself dream.

Now I want you to ask yourself one more question. If time or money were not an issue, what would you do? Really ask yourself this question. If you could do absolutely anything you wanted to do in life right now- with no restrictions- what would you do? This is probably one of the best questions you can ask yourself to find out what you really want from life. Whenever I feel off track, I ask myself this question. You will most likely realize that your answer is not completely what you expected it to be. (Note: If you are having trouble answering this question, check out my post called What Would You Do? for some ideas.)

It always surprises me how many people have never asked themselves these questions before. These questions have not only kept my life on track and in line with my goals, but they have also allowed me to guard my time and use it well. As a result, I have accomplished so many things that I have always wanted to do within a very short amount of time. I have no doubt that these questions can do the same for you!

What This Site Is All About:

And finally, this leads me to what this site is all about. This site is all about living your dream life. It is about being the happiest and best person that you can possibly be. It is about going after your dreams and goals. It is about changing your life and your habits to become everything you have ever wanted. It is about owning your life, and living it to the fullest. It is time to become happy, healthy, and wealthy in all areas of your life. I will be with you every step of the way!

Now is the time to start living the life you have always wanted.

To living your best life,

-Alex