inner happiness

Personal Power

/ alexkingman / Leave a comment

keenan-constance-359742.jpg

Hi guys! I wrote this article to get back the basic fundamentals of life. Everything starts with you and it all comes down to you. This sounds really heavy, but really all it means is that you have the power to change and create anything – which is AMAZING! So one of the best things you can do is work on yourself and on how you can improve. So why not start with your own personal power?

Personal power is when you give yourself permission to listen to your inner self and let your decisions come from this place. If you are making decisions from your inner self, you know deep down that you will always be okay. You can trust yourself to make good decisions and choices, and you have a healthy sense of self-worth. You know that although life may not always be easy, you are on your path as long as you give yourself this personal power. Generally, people with personal power have confidence and good self esteem. They take responsibility for their own problems and they do not rely on others’ opinions or decisions to solve them. They trust themselves.

Without personal power, you are not connected with your inner self and therefore, you feel uncentered. You don’t trust your own judgement, so you rely on what others think and use that to make decisions and choices. Since you depend on what others think to make decisions, you base your self-worth on what others think of you and their opinions. You don’t listen to your heart. You play small and you don’t follow your dreams because you believe that they aren’t attainable. You let life push you around instead of deciding for yourself how life is going to be. Most people who do not give themselves personal power feel insecure, worried, anxious, or depressed. They might even blame others for their problems (we have all known at least one person who does this) and they have trouble solving problems.

So how is your personal power? Here is an exercise to find out:

Do you feel anxious when someone doesn’t agree with you?

Do you agree with people even when you feel they’re wrong?

Is it hard for you to say no when people ask you to do something you really don’t want to do?

Do you need other people’s approval in order to be happy?

Do you say things you don’t mean to try to make people like you?

If you answered yes to 3 or more of these questions, you might want to think about how much control you have over your life, and how much you are listening to your inner self.

“If we don’t trust ourselves, then how can we trust anything else that we are doing or anyone else we know? Trust yourself.”

We all know that you can’t please everyone, so don’t expect approval all the time. You are free to have your own way and your own opinion no matter what others think. Most people who struggle to have personal power don’t realize that the root of their unhappiness in this area comes from their unhealthy need for approval by others. If someone criticizes you, do you get down and upset afterward, blaming the other person for what they said and thinking about their harsh words? Or do you realize that it may be your need for approval that’s making you feel bad- not the person or what they said? Don’t judge yourself by how much approval you get from others. Good self-esteem starts with you. It comes from how you feel about yourself, not how others feel about you. You must always look within first. This is how you make good decisions and how you trust yourself. Stop giving your personal power to others! What other people think has nothing to do with you. It does not have an effect on you unless you let it.

But how can you like yourself when you don’t feel good, confident, or trusting of yourself?

Start with self- love. Even if you hate yourself, you can change into someone you love.

What do you like about yourself? List them.

What characteristics and traits would you like to have more of? Less of?

Who do you always feel wonderful being around? Why?

Who are the top three people you look up to? What are the top three characteristics that you like about each of them the most?

 Who do you want to be more like? What do they have that you want to develop?

If you could be the perfect you, what would you be like?

Ok great! Your answers should give you a pretty good idea of the ideal, optimal you. The great news is that you have the power in your hands to change and become this person! You can love yourself and live the life you want. But only you hold this power. No one else can do this for you.

I couldn’t imagine going through life hating myself. I am sure it would be pretty awful, so I think that you have nothing to lose by trying to love yourself. When you hate or dislike yourself, you are your own enemy. When you distrust yourself, you compromise your happiness and enjoyment. You are not living your dream life if this is how you live. In fact, you are not truly living at all.

But you can…

The choice is yours.

 

To your highest personal power,

Alex 🙂

My Goal This Year: Become The Happiest I’ve Ever Been In My Life (And How You Can Too!)

/ alexkingman / 1 Comment

20708311_1868796333136080_6551524377439011672_n

Become my happiest self – happier than I have ever been in my life. That’s the goal I set for myself on January 1st this year. Now, I am not huge on New Year resolutions because usually I make a laundry list of goals that I would like to get done, and then I don’t get them done because it is too much and we forget and etc. So this year I decided to just focus on the ONE thing that I believe will improve everything else in my life as well by doing it: my happiness. I’d rather do ONE amazing thing than 1,000 mediocre things.

My goal for my happiness journey this year is not quite as simple as it seems. It precedes some bigger and deeper questions. How do you become your happiest? What is happiness and what brings more of it into your life?

I am taking a multiple pronged approach to optimal happiness. There are a few major categories that are scientifically backed in research to bring about happiness which I focus on improving:

The first one is doing what I love every day. Life is not about doing what is easiest and just lounging around all day. It’s not about playing it safe and taking the “normal” route. It is about pushing yourself to do something meaningful and worth doing in your life. It is about trying new things, meeting new people, helping others, and committing yourself to something that is bigger than yourself. For me right now, that is this blog and Life Tools. For those of you who don’t know, Life Tools is an online company and community I started to help each other naturally become happier and healthier for a higher quality of life. I love this mission and this is what I want to do with my time, energy, and passion. This is what I am here for and I know that I can help many, many people become happier and healthier, and live better lives. So, I do this every day. A lot. My passion comes from my WHY! So first step for you: find something that is bigger than yourself, be it a mission, a passion, or anything else that can help yourself and others, and make the world a better place. Make sure you love it and DO IT! Go all in! This will fill your life up with so much meaning and energy. You will have a huge reason to get up in the morning and your life will feel on track. You will know it is right because things will flow. From meaning, you find a deeper happiness and satisfaction in yourself and life.

Second area of my life that I’m improving is my health. Yep! Happiness and health are so interrelated that I’d actually venture to say they are the same thing. When you have a stomach ache or the flu or pain, do you feel happy? Exactly. It is much harder. I don’t think that you can have one without the other – at least not optimally. So this year I am focusing on becoming my healthiest to ultimately become my happiest. This means eating well, fixing nutritional deficiencies (through diet and supplementation), taking care of my body by stretching and staying active (such as riding my bike instead of driving a car), finding any hidden food allergies, having a calming morning routine, stopping and relaxing when I feel stressed, etc. There will be plenty of future articles on all of this! 🙂 Your brain and your body are one, and it is time we started taking care of it! So the first step for you in this area is to focus on eating a healthy diet with plenty of REAL food, and moving your body every day. You can do other things, but the simpler you keep it, the more likely you will stick to it. Once you’ve got this down, you can add more like looking for hidden inflammation and food allergies, balancing your hormones, supplementation, meditation, etc. I believe that a healthy diet and an active lifestyle is the 80/20 of health (what is the 80/20 principle?).

The next area of life that I’m improving is my social life. An active social life is SO important for optimal happiness, and it is something that I was definitely been lacking in for a few years. Just keeping yourself from being isolated and alone all the time is important and has been proven to dramatically reduce stress and anxiety levels. I most definitely learned that the hard way. But you don’t have to! For my social life, I have joined a few local groups where I am able to meet new people and make friends. I also plan on doing some volunteering at places I find interesting and enjoyable, or that I feel passion to help with. My business, Life Tools, has also been great for my social life since I am part of a few different associations and groups that meet up at various times throughout the month. I also started my own Life Tools Community group which I believe will become very successful and fun, since it is focused on helping each other become happier and healthier. There is no end to what you can do to bring more people and social events into your life. I am probably going to join and start a few more groups, and do a few more things as I continue to gain momentum, which I will write more about soon! So the first step for you in this area is to get social by joining a group, team, club, event, or getting a job that is social, etc. (NOT a cult though!). Just get yourself out there and get the ball rolling. The more you do it, the more people you will meet and the more events you will go to and get invited to, and the more people you will meet and become friends with, and on and on. Just start. This one is a compounding effect. 🙂

The fourth area of life I am focusing on is putting extra time, effort, and attention into those important people in my life. Looking back on my life, I want to remember the times when I did crazy, fun, amazing things with the people I love the most. I am still improving in this area of course, but what I have learned so far is that if you have a good, caring, and loving relationship with your spouse, kids, family, etc., your whole life feels so much happier and brighter. If you are happy within your romantic relationship, you feel much happier in your life as well. If you are in harmonious relationships with your kids and extended family, your own happiness levels are going to be harmonious too. By kicking out toxic, stressful people and only focusing on those amazing and wonderful people in your life, your quality of living will skyrocket! You will feel a weight lifted from your shoulders and you will feel much happier overall. Maybe because of less stress and more fun with each other. So the first step for you is to identify all of the amazing people in your life who you truly love and appreciate, and make sure they know you love them! Put extra time, attention, and effort into these relationships, and enjoy life with them. Even if they are far away, call them! Take a road trip to go see them. Whatever, but don’t let these important relationships fade. No excuses. Also, make a list of anyone who is toxic and stop having relationships with them as soon as possible. These people drain you of your energy, health, and happiness and you don’t need them in your life (unless you enjoy negativity, stress, and rapid aging).

The next area of my life that I am improving is focusing and simplifying my life and myself. I put these two together because I think that you can’t really have one without the other. How do you simplify your life without focusing on what you want and need? How to you focus on something without simplifying the process and simplifying your life around your focus? I have been pretty good so far this year about focusing and simplifying things – not necessarily on purpose, but I think a lot of my focusing and simplifying actually came from the changes above I am making in my life and in myself. Life is much more peaceful now, and I know what I need to do, and I know what I want. I don’t own much, but I’m getting rid of most of what I own because I don’t need it – and somewhat by accident I recently found out that I actually don’t even notice when most of my belongings are gone or inaccessible. It made no difference in the quality of my life whatsoever. Once you know these things, life becomes much more interesting and enjoyable. So the first step for you is to make a list of what (and who) is truly important to you in your life. Focus your time, energy, and attention into those things and people. Reduce your time, attention, and energy on pretty much all other things. It really is this simple. However, it does not mean that actually doing this is easy. Execution is the hardest part because it is much easier said than done. But it is something that anyone can achieve if they want a happier life, and to become happier within themselves.

The last area of my life that I’m improving is spending time relaxing and rejuvenating. You can’t work every second of every day. That’s why we need sleep – so that our bodies and minds can rest. So I am focusing on getting enough sleep, doing things that I enjoy that also help me relax (such as hiking or songwriting), and stopping whatever I am doing and taking a break when I feel stressed out or anxious. No one can do their best or most efficient work when they are in this state of mind. It is also really bad for you – kind of like drinking a soda or something. If you feel anxious and stressed out, you must learn to control this. It may sound hard to do, but if you can get good at just pausing and stepping back for a breather, this will become simple. For example, when I am working on my business and I start feeling uptight and anxious, I stop and do something relaxing until I feel better. Usually, I only need about 10 minutes to feel better again. It doesn’t really matter what I do in that ten minutes as long as it is enjoyable and relaxing – sometimes I take a walk outside, other times I do some gardening, sometimes I take a warm shower, other times I call someone I love and just talk, and sometimes I just read a book. The important part is just taking this time to relax and come down from this state of high stress and anxiety. The problem is that most people don’t take that ten minutes, and carry that anxiety around with them for the rest of the day, and they bring it home with them to the people they love. This is not the kind of pattern you want going on in your life (especially since you want to focus extra love, time, and attention on your loved ones, not extra stress, fights, and anxiety). So the first step for you is to monitor your feelings and notice when you are feeling stressed and uptight. Once you are able to identify this, you can practice taking breaks to relax and get yourself back into a better mindset. I know that this can be hard for many people, especially at work and places that don’t approve of you taking “unnecessary” time away from your work. Luckily, there are ways around this and if you just bring a little creativity to the table you will still be able to do it. I’m not saying be lazy at your job and try to do nothing; I’m saying when you are anxious and stressed out, take the time you need to reset or else your whole day will go down the anxiety toilet! If you need a break you need a break.

So, this is what I have been doing so far! If you plan on implementing these things above, don’t try to do this all at once – just do it as it comes. I am not trying to accomplish major, specific, set goals towards any of these areas above. My goal instead is to just improve my happiness and health every day. I spend time learning about happiness from experience and other sources, and any time I see an opportunity in line with my happiness journey, I jump on it. I say no to everything else. I can tell you that lately I have been feeling happier than I have felt in a long time, so what I am doing is definitely working! I’ll keep you updated on my happiest-happiness journey as the year continues, and hopefully you can learn from it as well!

You Are The Key

/ alexkingman / 5 Comments

 

Creative-Tail-Objects-mirror.svg.png

“You don’t get out of life what you want, you get out of life who you are.”  -unknown

Your dreams are a direct result of who you are. You must be happy with who you are to be truly happy and truly successful in your life.

The more you are yourself, the better you will understand what you truly want in life and the easier it will be to bring those ideas into your reality. The more you are truly yourself, the more you will be able to make decisions that are in favor of your best life. It is time to become your best self!

“But how?” you might ask, “What is my best self, and how do I even know when I am my best self?”

You are your best self when you have been the best person you could have possibly been in a day. You are your best self when you realize that you are enough. At the same time, you know that you can always become even better, so you learn and practice ways to be better than you were yesterday. You won’t be able to see much progress day to day, but looking back after a year (if you truly give your best effort) you will see a huge amount of improvement. Your best self is simply being the best possible person you can be. Not the best possible person others think you can be. Don’t think that to be your best you have to do what others think makes someone a good person. Do what truly makes you feel like a good person. Do what brings you happiness. By doing this, it will not only lead you to new opportunities, insights, and passions; but it will also be easier to accomplish your current dreams. When you are one with yourself and wholeheartedly being who you really are, things will start to change. Are you ready?

So many people will cover up their true selves to others just because they think that people might disapprove, or reject them. The truth is, though, that if you can’t be your true self around others, then you are not being your true self at all. Once you truly look at yourself and say, “this is who I am; I am simply me,” then you accept yourself as you are, flaws and all. When you talk to others, you will simply be you, not who you think they want you to be. If these people still disapprove of you, then they shouldn’t be in your life anyways. Be kind, but let this relationship fade. There is a quote that says, “the people who matter won’t mind, and the people who mind don’t matter.” It is exactly what I’m getting at. The negative people who don’t accept you for who you truly are, are simply creating more resistance between where you are now and your dream life. I am not saying that it is their fault that you are not living your best life, but I am saying that being around someone who puts you down for being you, or is always negative/judgmental, is not someone who is going to help you become everything you have always wanted. They don’t even believe it can happen for themselves! If they would just become their best self and start living passionately, they would see that not only is it possible, but it is absolutely necessary for a happy and fulfilling life. So just be honest when you are with others like your friends, family, strangers, coworkers, etc. Present yourself to them as you truly are. It feels vulnerable at first, but you will probably be very happily surprised with the results. A change in action precedes a change in results.

“A man may rule the world and still feel that he is unhappy if he is not supremely happy within himself.” -Seneca

So by being your best self now, you are not only more confident, happy, and fulfilled, but you are also well on your way to having your dream life. Work on yourself. Identify your flaws and make them better, read and learn about becoming your best self, get out of your comfort zone often (you are going to do a lot of this to bring your dream life into reality, so being comfortable with being uncomfortable is an awesome skill to have), spend time with people you look up to and want to be like, and mostly, accept and embrace who you are! These are all ways to be true to yourself and become your best self. Of course, there are many more ways out there, so don’t limit yourself to just the options above!

The more you are yourself, the closer you are to living your best life. In fact, one big part of living your dream life is being completely and authentically you. What good is a dream life if you are not able to be yourself? What is the point of any success if you aren’t happy with truly being yourself? What is your dream life worth if you wish you were someone else?

Nothing!

To be happy and successful in life, start with being your best self now. Your life can only be as great as you are!

“Today you are you, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is youer than you.” -Dr. Suess

To being your truest and best self,

-Alex

You Can Live Your Dreams by Asking the Right Questions

/ alexkingman / 1 Comment

street-2168790_960_720.jpg

To live your dream life and to become the best you can be, you must first ask yourself the right questions. By asking yourself the right questions every day, you will find that some of your daily habits, goals, and dreams are not actually what you want. You will also find that you might want to add something to your vision of your dream life. By asking the right questions, you will be able to figure out what you are truly striving for.

I used to ask myself, “What are my goals?”and, “What can I do today to accomplish these goals?” I have been asking myself these questions for years, and these questions helped guide my day and life. But I realized that they were not the questions I should be focusing all of my energy on every day, and I’ll explain why.

There is nothing wrong with these questions about goals, in fact they are great questions that you should ask yourself! But for true happiness and success in living your dream life and becoming who you were meant to be, these are not the most important questions to ask yourself. Let me explain.

First of all, don’t confuse success and happiness as the same thing. True happiness comes from within, and so does true success. But true success can only come from someone who has true happiness within them. It may look like someone is successful on the outside. They may have tons of money, cars, family, vacations, you name it! But If they aren’t happy then they aren’t successful either, because not only do they feel unsuccessful, but they also can’t enjoy their own success due to their unhappiness. True success is a feeling, and it has little to do with anything external other than a sense of accomplishment (which is also a feeling, and you can get this feeling from having true happiness).

So many people fall for the ‘outer success’ trap where they feel like they need to create this image of success for other people to see. But truthfully, this show they are putting on is not real success. And it is definitely not real happiness either. When you are truly happy, you aren’t worried about what others think. You are not tying to pretend or put on a show, you really are happy.  And the same goes for true success, since true success comes from true happiness. If all you are trying to do is please the world and chase after society’s idea of success and happiness, you will always be running. You will never find real happiness, and you will never be truly and personally successful. It is time to find out what  happiness and success looks like to you, and you only.  By thinking about this, you make sure that your goals are for you, and not for any other outward reason.

Recently, I became very sick and I was feeling absolutely terrible. All I could really do was lie in bed because I didn’t have the energy to do anything else. Although I was feeling awful, being forced to lie in bed for a week was actually a blessing in disguise. It gave me some time for my body and mind to slow down, recoup, and think about how life was going. I realized a few things:

  1. I was looking back at the years and everything I had accomplished, and I realized that I had accomplished all of this great stuff and I was currently working on accomplishing even more, but I didn’t feel any happier or sadder. I felt the same as I did a year or two ago! This surprised me because I figured that I would feel happier since I had accomplished all of these goals that I had wanted so badly and worked so hard to reach.
  2. I was working too much on my goals, and too little on my inner happiness. True, lasting happiness does not come from reaching your goals. Having your goals and dreams become reality will contribute towards happiness, but these will never bring lasting happiness because your goals and dreams are always changing as you change. True happiness comes from within.
  3. True success is a result of true happiness.
  4. True success is when you feel successful. Whether or not you are seen as successful by others doesn’t matter. If you are happy, your personal success will naturally follow.
  5. I realized that I value happiness over success, so all this time I have been focusing so hard on the wrong questions! Instead of asking myself about my goals all the time, I should be asking myself about my happiness more often. Questions like:
    • “What makes me happy?”
    • “What do I truly enjoy doing?”
    • “What excites me?”
    • “What is happiness to me?”
    • “What can I do today to bring more happiness into my life?”

Ask yourself these questions, and really think about the answers. Let your mind be open, and don’t try to shut out any answer you think of. Each answer you think of is there for a reason!

When you start focusing on asking yourself the right questions, you suddenly see everything in a new light. You will notice that you might have some new goals, and at the same time you might have gotten rid of some goals that actually weren’t as important to you as you thought. By asking yourself what makes you happy, you will realize that you will naturally weed out the goals you have that don’t support that question. This is great because the goals you just dumped were motivated by external things, such as money, hype, other people’s opinions, etc.! External stuff. To live your best and happiest life, make goals motivated by passion and inner happiness. By getting rid of anything in your life that does not correlate with your happiness, a big burden is lifted from your shoulders, because you are no longer a slave to it anymore! You are free to truly live your best life and be your best you!

“People are just about as happy as they make up their minds to be”

– U.S. President Abraham Lincoln

So what will you do today to bring more happiness into your life? 🙂

To your truest happiness and success!

-Alex