Introspection

How to Stop Having the Dreaded Monday Syndrome & Live the Life You Truly Want

/ alexkingman / Leave a comment

“There_is_only_one_success-_to_be_able_to_spend_your_life_in_your_own_way.”_~Christopher_Morley_(14565607040).jpg

Do you have the Dreaded Monday syndrome?

This is where every Sunday evening you get stressed and grumpy because you have to start another week and go back to work. You live for the weekends and you just get through the weeks.

Does this sound like you? If you have the dreaded Monday syndrome then you are doing something wrong in life – just saying. Life is meant to be enjoyed. It is meant to be spent doing the things you like. If you can only enjoy your time here on this earth on the weekends (or only 8 days per month), then what kind of life is that? It is time to make a change for the sake of your happiness and sanity. I see way too many people stuck in this trap, and I hope that this post will help you truly escape this mindset and way of life (not just artificially escape on the weekends). The truth is, if you are living like this, you are bored with your life. You feel unmotivated, tired, and dull most of the time. You feel like you need something exciting to change your state. Most people turn to partying and drugs on the weekends. Others turn to extreme activities to feel that rush of being alive. Why? Because they are starving to feel alive in their normal daily lives, and they are not getting this feeling from their habits and activities right now. Living this way is completely ridiculous – and yet millions of people – MILLIONS – live this way every week. But you don’t have to. Let’s get started.

First off, on Sunday what exactly about your upcoming week do you dread? List it all!

Why do you dread each of these things?

What about on Friday? What do you most look forward to? List everything you think of.

Why do you look forward to these things? Is it just a way to forget about your life, or is it something you truly enjoy doing?

Your answers may surprise you. And they will probably bring you some insight that you hadn’t realized before. What is crazy is how many people just assume that work has to be hard, boring, and unpleasant. This is completely not true! I can tell you this from experience. For the past couple of months, I have not once felt any dread come over me on Sundays before starting work on Monday. I actually find myself excited and eager to get back to work on Monday. I don’t say this to brag, I say it to show that it is possible. I know many people who love their work and each day they feel just as alive as any other.

Now of course, there are always some things that we have to do that we probably don’t want to do, but if you are doing things that you truly enjoy, those unwanted things are totally worth doing, and don’t feel so bad.

All I am saying is that if you are living in a rut, you can change. You have all the power and strength you need to be able to turn your life around. It is up to no one else but you. If you don’t like the life you’re living, then change it! Don’t just sit there and complain and blame others for where you are. You have gotten to where you are today because of the decisions you have made. If where you are right now is not where you want to be in life, don’t worry. I know, I’ve been there too. It is not a very empowering feeling and it is a very monotonous and grey lifestyle. So change it! What’s holding you back?!

Probably fear.

That’s all. This means that YOU are the only one holding yourself back from happiness and enjoyment in life. You fear that you won’t be able to do this or that, you fear that your family or friends will be upset disappointed, or disown you. So be it. If they aren’t willing to love you when you change for the better, then you need real, true, and better friends anyway. You fear that it won’t work out or you’ll fail. So much fear, fear, fear!! You may call it worry, stress, your reservations, or “I’d like to, BUT…” – either way, it is still fear! You want to feel alive right? Well let me tell you, facing your fears will definitely make you feel very alive. So give it a shot! Wake up!! YOU HAVE ONE LIFE! What’s the worst that can happen? You can always go back to living your same mundane mediocre life as before. But the best that can happen is that you start living a life of awesomeness and enjoyment! Yes! YOU can do this! You are the key! And as long as you never give up, your dream to live this life well is inevitable. So what’s it going to be?!

 

To living your best life,

Alex 🙂

 

Ps- If you have a lot of resistance and fear toward changing your life for the better, try fear setting. This is an exercise that I have adopted from Tim Ferriss, and it helps me totally demolish my fear and see how irrational and ambiguous many of my fears are. Here’s how to do fear set.

Pps- If you are having a hard time handling the stress of change while you are in transition, I suggest trying Peace of Mind Natural Blend – a natural supplement for less stress and better sleep. It will help you get through your transition in a much calmer and more centered manner. And you will sleep through the night so you have the energy to make big changes! It has helped hundreds of others do the same with fantastic results, so if this is something that you want to try, check it out on Amazon or on the Life Tools website! 🙂

Personal Power

/ alexkingman / Leave a comment

keenan-constance-359742.jpg

Hi guys! I wrote this article to get back the basic fundamentals of life. Everything starts with you and it all comes down to you. This sounds really heavy, but really all it means is that you have the power to change and create anything – which is AMAZING! So one of the best things you can do is work on yourself and on how you can improve. So why not start with your own personal power?

Personal power is when you give yourself permission to listen to your inner self and let your decisions come from this place. If you are making decisions from your inner self, you know deep down that you will always be okay. You can trust yourself to make good decisions and choices, and you have a healthy sense of self-worth. You know that although life may not always be easy, you are on your path as long as you give yourself this personal power. Generally, people with personal power have confidence and good self esteem. They take responsibility for their own problems and they do not rely on others’ opinions or decisions to solve them. They trust themselves.

Without personal power, you are not connected with your inner self and therefore, you feel uncentered. You don’t trust your own judgement, so you rely on what others think and use that to make decisions and choices. Since you depend on what others think to make decisions, you base your self-worth on what others think of you and their opinions. You don’t listen to your heart. You play small and you don’t follow your dreams because you believe that they aren’t attainable. You let life push you around instead of deciding for yourself how life is going to be. Most people who do not give themselves personal power feel insecure, worried, anxious, or depressed. They might even blame others for their problems (we have all known at least one person who does this) and they have trouble solving problems.

So how is your personal power? Here is an exercise to find out:

Do you feel anxious when someone doesn’t agree with you?

Do you agree with people even when you feel they’re wrong?

Is it hard for you to say no when people ask you to do something you really don’t want to do?

Do you need other people’s approval in order to be happy?

Do you say things you don’t mean to try to make people like you?

If you answered yes to 3 or more of these questions, you might want to think about how much control you have over your life, and how much you are listening to your inner self.

“If we don’t trust ourselves, then how can we trust anything else that we are doing or anyone else we know? Trust yourself.”

We all know that you can’t please everyone, so don’t expect approval all the time. You are free to have your own way and your own opinion no matter what others think. Most people who struggle to have personal power don’t realize that the root of their unhappiness in this area comes from their unhealthy need for approval by others. If someone criticizes you, do you get down and upset afterward, blaming the other person for what they said and thinking about their harsh words? Or do you realize that it may be your need for approval that’s making you feel bad- not the person or what they said? Don’t judge yourself by how much approval you get from others. Good self-esteem starts with you. It comes from how you feel about yourself, not how others feel about you. You must always look within first. This is how you make good decisions and how you trust yourself. Stop giving your personal power to others! What other people think has nothing to do with you. It does not have an effect on you unless you let it.

But how can you like yourself when you don’t feel good, confident, or trusting of yourself?

Start with self- love. Even if you hate yourself, you can change into someone you love.

What do you like about yourself? List them.

What characteristics and traits would you like to have more of? Less of?

Who do you always feel wonderful being around? Why?

Who are the top three people you look up to? What are the top three characteristics that you like about each of them the most?

 Who do you want to be more like? What do they have that you want to develop?

If you could be the perfect you, what would you be like?

Ok great! Your answers should give you a pretty good idea of the ideal, optimal you. The great news is that you have the power in your hands to change and become this person! You can love yourself and live the life you want. But only you hold this power. No one else can do this for you.

I couldn’t imagine going through life hating myself. I am sure it would be pretty awful, so I think that you have nothing to lose by trying to love yourself. When you hate or dislike yourself, you are your own enemy. When you distrust yourself, you compromise your happiness and enjoyment. You are not living your dream life if this is how you live. In fact, you are not truly living at all.

But you can…

The choice is yours.

 

To your highest personal power,

Alex 🙂

My Goal This Year: Become The Happiest I’ve Ever Been In My Life (And How You Can Too!)

/ alexkingman / 1 Comment

20708311_1868796333136080_6551524377439011672_n

Become my happiest self – happier than I have ever been in my life. That’s the goal I set for myself on January 1st this year. Now, I am not huge on New Year resolutions because usually I make a laundry list of goals that I would like to get done, and then I don’t get them done because it is too much and we forget and etc. So this year I decided to just focus on the ONE thing that I believe will improve everything else in my life as well by doing it: my happiness. I’d rather do ONE amazing thing than 1,000 mediocre things.

My goal for my happiness journey this year is not quite as simple as it seems. It precedes some bigger and deeper questions. How do you become your happiest? What is happiness and what brings more of it into your life?

I am taking a multiple pronged approach to optimal happiness. There are a few major categories that are scientifically backed in research to bring about happiness which I focus on improving:

The first one is doing what I love every day. Life is not about doing what is easiest and just lounging around all day. It’s not about playing it safe and taking the “normal” route. It is about pushing yourself to do something meaningful and worth doing in your life. It is about trying new things, meeting new people, helping others, and committing yourself to something that is bigger than yourself. For me right now, that is this blog and Life Tools. For those of you who don’t know, Life Tools is an online company and community I started to help each other naturally become happier and healthier for a higher quality of life. I love this mission and this is what I want to do with my time, energy, and passion. This is what I am here for and I know that I can help many, many people become happier and healthier, and live better lives. So, I do this every day. A lot. My passion comes from my WHY! So first step for you: find something that is bigger than yourself, be it a mission, a passion, or anything else that can help yourself and others, and make the world a better place. Make sure you love it and DO IT! Go all in! This will fill your life up with so much meaning and energy. You will have a huge reason to get up in the morning and your life will feel on track. You will know it is right because things will flow. From meaning, you find a deeper happiness and satisfaction in yourself and life.

Second area of my life that I’m improving is my health. Yep! Happiness and health are so interrelated that I’d actually venture to say they are the same thing. When you have a stomach ache or the flu or pain, do you feel happy? Exactly. It is much harder. I don’t think that you can have one without the other – at least not optimally. So this year I am focusing on becoming my healthiest to ultimately become my happiest. This means eating well, fixing nutritional deficiencies (through diet and supplementation), taking care of my body by stretching and staying active (such as riding my bike instead of driving a car), finding any hidden food allergies, having a calming morning routine, stopping and relaxing when I feel stressed, etc. There will be plenty of future articles on all of this! 🙂 Your brain and your body are one, and it is time we started taking care of it! So the first step for you in this area is to focus on eating a healthy diet with plenty of REAL food, and moving your body every day. You can do other things, but the simpler you keep it, the more likely you will stick to it. Once you’ve got this down, you can add more like looking for hidden inflammation and food allergies, balancing your hormones, supplementation, meditation, etc. I believe that a healthy diet and an active lifestyle is the 80/20 of health (what is the 80/20 principle?).

The next area of life that I’m improving is my social life. An active social life is SO important for optimal happiness, and it is something that I was definitely been lacking in for a few years. Just keeping yourself from being isolated and alone all the time is important and has been proven to dramatically reduce stress and anxiety levels. I most definitely learned that the hard way. But you don’t have to! For my social life, I have joined a few local groups where I am able to meet new people and make friends. I also plan on doing some volunteering at places I find interesting and enjoyable, or that I feel passion to help with. My business, Life Tools, has also been great for my social life since I am part of a few different associations and groups that meet up at various times throughout the month. I also started my own Life Tools Community group which I believe will become very successful and fun, since it is focused on helping each other become happier and healthier. There is no end to what you can do to bring more people and social events into your life. I am probably going to join and start a few more groups, and do a few more things as I continue to gain momentum, which I will write more about soon! So the first step for you in this area is to get social by joining a group, team, club, event, or getting a job that is social, etc. (NOT a cult though!). Just get yourself out there and get the ball rolling. The more you do it, the more people you will meet and the more events you will go to and get invited to, and the more people you will meet and become friends with, and on and on. Just start. This one is a compounding effect. 🙂

The fourth area of life I am focusing on is putting extra time, effort, and attention into those important people in my life. Looking back on my life, I want to remember the times when I did crazy, fun, amazing things with the people I love the most. I am still improving in this area of course, but what I have learned so far is that if you have a good, caring, and loving relationship with your spouse, kids, family, etc., your whole life feels so much happier and brighter. If you are happy within your romantic relationship, you feel much happier in your life as well. If you are in harmonious relationships with your kids and extended family, your own happiness levels are going to be harmonious too. By kicking out toxic, stressful people and only focusing on those amazing and wonderful people in your life, your quality of living will skyrocket! You will feel a weight lifted from your shoulders and you will feel much happier overall. Maybe because of less stress and more fun with each other. So the first step for you is to identify all of the amazing people in your life who you truly love and appreciate, and make sure they know you love them! Put extra time, attention, and effort into these relationships, and enjoy life with them. Even if they are far away, call them! Take a road trip to go see them. Whatever, but don’t let these important relationships fade. No excuses. Also, make a list of anyone who is toxic and stop having relationships with them as soon as possible. These people drain you of your energy, health, and happiness and you don’t need them in your life (unless you enjoy negativity, stress, and rapid aging).

The next area of my life that I am improving is focusing and simplifying my life and myself. I put these two together because I think that you can’t really have one without the other. How do you simplify your life without focusing on what you want and need? How to you focus on something without simplifying the process and simplifying your life around your focus? I have been pretty good so far this year about focusing and simplifying things – not necessarily on purpose, but I think a lot of my focusing and simplifying actually came from the changes above I am making in my life and in myself. Life is much more peaceful now, and I know what I need to do, and I know what I want. I don’t own much, but I’m getting rid of most of what I own because I don’t need it – and somewhat by accident I recently found out that I actually don’t even notice when most of my belongings are gone or inaccessible. It made no difference in the quality of my life whatsoever. Once you know these things, life becomes much more interesting and enjoyable. So the first step for you is to make a list of what (and who) is truly important to you in your life. Focus your time, energy, and attention into those things and people. Reduce your time, attention, and energy on pretty much all other things. It really is this simple. However, it does not mean that actually doing this is easy. Execution is the hardest part because it is much easier said than done. But it is something that anyone can achieve if they want a happier life, and to become happier within themselves.

The last area of my life that I’m improving is spending time relaxing and rejuvenating. You can’t work every second of every day. That’s why we need sleep – so that our bodies and minds can rest. So I am focusing on getting enough sleep, doing things that I enjoy that also help me relax (such as hiking or songwriting), and stopping whatever I am doing and taking a break when I feel stressed out or anxious. No one can do their best or most efficient work when they are in this state of mind. It is also really bad for you – kind of like drinking a soda or something. If you feel anxious and stressed out, you must learn to control this. It may sound hard to do, but if you can get good at just pausing and stepping back for a breather, this will become simple. For example, when I am working on my business and I start feeling uptight and anxious, I stop and do something relaxing until I feel better. Usually, I only need about 10 minutes to feel better again. It doesn’t really matter what I do in that ten minutes as long as it is enjoyable and relaxing – sometimes I take a walk outside, other times I do some gardening, sometimes I take a warm shower, other times I call someone I love and just talk, and sometimes I just read a book. The important part is just taking this time to relax and come down from this state of high stress and anxiety. The problem is that most people don’t take that ten minutes, and carry that anxiety around with them for the rest of the day, and they bring it home with them to the people they love. This is not the kind of pattern you want going on in your life (especially since you want to focus extra love, time, and attention on your loved ones, not extra stress, fights, and anxiety). So the first step for you is to monitor your feelings and notice when you are feeling stressed and uptight. Once you are able to identify this, you can practice taking breaks to relax and get yourself back into a better mindset. I know that this can be hard for many people, especially at work and places that don’t approve of you taking “unnecessary” time away from your work. Luckily, there are ways around this and if you just bring a little creativity to the table you will still be able to do it. I’m not saying be lazy at your job and try to do nothing; I’m saying when you are anxious and stressed out, take the time you need to reset or else your whole day will go down the anxiety toilet! If you need a break you need a break.

So, this is what I have been doing so far! If you plan on implementing these things above, don’t try to do this all at once – just do it as it comes. I am not trying to accomplish major, specific, set goals towards any of these areas above. My goal instead is to just improve my happiness and health every day. I spend time learning about happiness from experience and other sources, and any time I see an opportunity in line with my happiness journey, I jump on it. I say no to everything else. I can tell you that lately I have been feeling happier than I have felt in a long time, so what I am doing is definitely working! I’ll keep you updated on my happiest-happiness journey as the year continues, and hopefully you can learn from it as well!

How to Know What You Want (When You Don’t Know What You Want)

/ alexkingman / Leave a comment

contemplation-2826235_960_720.png

Let me ask you a question: What do you want?

Do you want a fancy house, 8 new cars, and a 30 person hot tub? Or a job working outdoors with a wonderful family to come home to? Or do you want to retire early and travel the world? Or do you want to go to college for a degree? What about health? Do you want to complete a triathlon? Do you prefer jogging 5 miles daily? Or crossfit? Dancing? Sports? Yoga? Do you want abs? Do you want to do all of these things? None of these things? Some of these things?

There are so many options in life!

We all want to live an awesome life, full of adventures, fun, and success. We all want to live our dream lives. We all want to be free in every way- personally, spiritually, physically, politically, etc.

We all know these things. But the problem is that most of us stop there. We don’t ever get to this place of freedom and happiness. Why? One reason is we might not know what we really want. Yes, we know in general that we want to be happy, wealthy, healthy, etc., but we need to get a little more specific and focused to figure out what we truly want.

Ask yourself this question: what do you visualize as your dream life?

What are you specifically doing? This may bring up a wall for you. Your mind might go blank. You may not know exactly what you want it to look like. There are so many paths that your life could take. You might begin to realize that you don’t really know what it is that you truly want.

Here are three things you can do to figure out what you want from life:

 

Figure Out What You Don’t Want. Then Flip It. 

Sometimes we don’t know what we want out of life, but we do know what we DON’T want! If you are having trouble finding purpose and direction in your life, start out with what you don’t want to do. What do you dislike or hate? What are your least favorite things to do? What are you unhappy about in your life right now? Write your answers down so you can see them plain and clear for what they are! These negativities in your life are causing you pain and suffering. Luckily, you can turn these negative things into amazing triumphs! It is time to turn your life around and get happy! If you are clear on what you don’t want in life, then you can steer away from those unpleasant areas and move in a more positive direction. What I would advise is this: Get a piece of paper and draw a line down the middle. On the left side write down all the things you don’t want in the given situation, or just life in general. Once you have finished listing your non-wants and dislikes, look at each non-want and write down the opposite of it in the right column.  It should look like this example:

Don’t Want: Want:
to fight w/ spouse good communication & enjoy time w/ spouse
loneliness & isolation close friends and frequent social interaction
etc.

Filling in a table like this will give you a good starting point. You will know what you definitely don’t want, and you will have an idea, therefore, of what you might want. You don’t have to know exactly where you are going, so long as it feels pleasant and exciting. The next step is to take action and try things to see what works and what brings you more happiness in your life.

 

Try New Things. 

If you don’t know what you want, then it might be because you have never committed to trying a new or different type of living- and I mean completely committed by giving this new try your all. By trying new things, you learn what you like and dislike/ want and don’t want in life. You want this to be something simple that you can start today. You can add this into your chart as well if you want, and it will look something like this:

Don’t Want: Want: Action:
to fight w spouse enjoy time together spend time together daily, eat&sleep well so not grouchy/tired
lonliness & isolation close friends, social volunteer in town to meet people. Spend time w/ bff
etc.

In this example, the actions recorded are all able to be started today. You could call up your spouse right now and plan a date or just plan on going on a walk together through the neighborhood later. You could go to bed early tonight to ensure a restful sleep, and you can eat good, healthy food for breakfast lunch, and dinner to ensure that you don’t get hungry ad grumpy. You could also set up a time to hang out with your friend, and you could get signed up to start volunteering soon too. All of these baby steps you would be taking today would be catalysts for a better tomorrow. Each step makes it possible for a bigger action step in the future until you are living in the “want” category on the chart above, and not the “Don’t want” category!

 

What Do You Know You Want in Your Life? 

It is ok to feel unsure of what you want! Don’t panic. Don’t feel like you are a hopeless or lost soul. You don’t have to know every little detail of your future life! You just have to look at what you know that you want in your life, and compare it to your current life, and then take action. You don’t have to know every detail of your life. You don’t have to know what every second of your perfect day would look like. You just have to commit yourself to making every day awesome. You have to truly believe in yourself and realize that while you are trying to build yourself your perfect life, it was right there all along. Enjoy the journey. Enjoy the results. Enjoy the present.

When you envision your dream life, what comes to mind? The specifics, I mean. Don’t get bogged down in every little detail, just simply close your eyes and ask yourself this question. Write down your answers.

These are the things that you know you want. For some people, it may be to travel, or to be a singer, or to eat healthier food every day. For others it might be to write a book, or start a business, or meditate daily. There will probably be multiple things that you are positive that you want in your life – probably more than you think. Now that you have figured out what you don’t want, it is much easier to understand what you do want, or at least have a general direction to try out.

Remember, nothing here is permanent and nothing is set in stone. You can always change, in fact you will change. What you want in life changes as you do. You want different things out of life now than you did when you were a kid, right? Exactly! So don’t worry about it. Just go towards your passions, interests, and hobbies, and go away from what you don’t want in life.

“At the center of your being, you have the answer; you know who you are, and you know what you want.” – Lao Tzu

Now, whatever you wrote down for your answer, go do that. Whatever actions you wrote down in the chart, do those too. Start working on it, even if it is in tiny bite-sized portions. Little by little, great things get done.

 

To living your best life,

-Alex

PS- Peace of Mind Proprietary Blend is now on Amazon! If you need less stress and better sleep, you can try it now for 40% off (for a limited time, so now is the time to try it if you are curious!). Check it out. It may also help you relax and center yourself when going through the process of figuring out what you want from your amazing gift of life. 🙂

How Well Do You Know Yourself? | The Question Game

/ alexkingman / 1 Comment

pexels-photo-28054.jpg

To live your best life, you also must become your best self. To become your best self, you have to know yourself thoroughly, inside and out. Many times you get to know your true self through experiences, your reactions to certain events, meditation, etc. But today we are going to play a game to help you become an expert on yourself.

It is time for the game! It is probably a little different from the other games you have played before. For one thing, it is only a one-person game. And secondly, it will probably result in more personal insights than pure entertainment. So let’s play! This game comes from my upcoming book, The Truth About High School, which I wrote for high school students but a lot of its content applies to anyone of any age.

 

The Question Game:

How to play: Ask yourself and answer as many of the questions as you want to. Answer them in as much detail as you can. (Note: the questions that you do not want to answer might give you some insight into what you are avoiding asking yourself. If you feel that you aren’t answering certain questions because you don’t want to face something, then answering that question is exactly what you need to do.)

How to win: Learn something about yourself that you weren’t consciously aware of beforehand.

 

Get out a piece of paper and something to write with. You are going to want these answers in writing!

 

It’s Game time!

Questions:

  • On a scale of 1-10 (1 being the least, 10 being the most) how much do you like yourself?
    • Why did you pick that number?
    • What exactly do you like about yourself? What exactly don’t you like about yourself?
    • How can you take what you don’t like about yourself (if anything) and change it into something you do like about yourself? (note: the question game does not take “I can’t” or “that’s impossible” as an answer. If you resort to these answers, you automatically lose… Harsh, I know – but so is an overly pessimistic outlook on life.)
  • What are you passionate about?
    • What percentage of your day is spent doing what you are passionate about?
    • How can you do more of your passions and less of what you don’t want to do?
  • On a scale of 1-10 how happy are you?
    • Why did you choose that number?
    • What specifically brings you happiness in your life?
    • What specifically brings you unhappiness in your life?
    • What can you do do get rid of or reduce your unhappiness in your life right now (if any)?
    • What would bring more happiness into your life?
  • Who do you hang out with?
    • Are they people you enjoy and look up to? Or are they people you actually don’t like very much?
    • What feeling do you get when you are around them? Are you happy, annoyed, bored, excited, angry, uncomfortable, insecure, etc.?
    • Name your top 5 closest friends. Now ask yourself why you hang out with each of them.
    • Are the qualities in your top 5 friends qualities you look up to and want to be like?
      • If not, what qualities do you look up to and want to be like? Do you know anyone who has some of those qualities that you could make friends with?
    • What animal represents you and why?
    • What do you see yourself doing in…
      • …1 year
      • …5 years
      • …10 years
      • Why? Of all the things you can do in your future, why are you doing these?
    • If you had two or three months to do absolutely whatever you wanted, what would you do?
      • How could you make this possible now or sometime in the near future?
      • If you could not do all of those things you see yourself doing in 1-5-10 years in the future, what would you chooses to do instead? In 1 year? In 5 years? In 10 years?
    • Finish these sentences:
      • I am:
      • I need:
      • I want:
      • 5 adjectives that best describe me are:
      • I am proud of:
      • Three of my accomplishments are:
    • What energizes you? In other words, what activities do you do (or want to do) that make you feel excited? What excites you?
      • Pick one from the list you just made. What can you do today to start working toward this goal?
    • What are you really good at? What are your strong points?
      • How can you leverage your talents to make life easier and to use to your advantage?
    • What are you really bad at? What are your weak points?
      • How can you improve? How can you use your strengths to improve on your weaknesses?
    • Have you been putting your energy, effort, and focus into your strengths or your weaknesses in your life?
    • What would you do/be/have if you had $10m in the bank?
    • If you found out that you were going to die in five years what would you do?
      • One year?
      • In a month?
      • Tomorrow?
    • How often do you find yourself following the crowd?
    • How often do you find yourself challenging the status quo, and instead, doing your own thing?
    • what would you be doing if you weren’t always trying to get somewhere or be someone?
    • Who do you look up to?
      • Why?
      • What qualities or skills do they have that you want to be better at?
    • Make up your own questions and answer them! It’s time to think about all of those deep questions that you have avoided answering.

 

The purpose of this game is to get you thinking about who you really want to be. It will ask you questions about who you believe you are, and then you can determine whether or not you would like to change anything about yourself.  You don’t find yourself, you make yourself up. Therefore, to become your greatest version, it is important to know yourself completely. You can’t live your dream life without knowing your true self. They are a package deal. Without truly knowing yourself, you are not able to live up to your full potential. So stop playing small and cutting yourself short. Life is too quick for that! Stop hiding from yourself. The world needs more people who are willing to step out and share their gifts, instead of shrinking back and pretending that they are not there. Small thinking and small actions lead to small-minded people. You’re better than that! You are reading this right now because you want to live an amazing life. Why should you settle for anything less? But to live that way, you’ve got to be that way first within yourself.

 

To Becoming your best self,

Alex 🙂

How Are You Really Doing? A Personal Check In:

/ alexkingman / Leave a comment

IMG_1211.jpg

Today’s blog post is a little different. I want to know how you are doing. And the usual “I’m good” isn’t going to cut it this time! I want to know how you are really doing. Do you know how you are really doing?

The best way to find out is with a personal check-in. It is a list of simple questions that will give you a general idea of how you are doing. When done monthly, you will notice patterns, your baseline happiness level, and you will learn a lot about yourself. If you write down your answers to these questions each month, you will have some great data about yourself that you can then analyze to help you live your best life and become your best self. Just ten minutes each month can tell you so much! Let’s do this!

During the past month, (on a scale of 1-10) how often did you feel…

Happy

Interested in life

Satisfied

That you had something important to contribute to society

That you belong to a community

That our society is becoming a better place for people?

That people are generally good

That the way our society works makes sense to you

That you liked most parts of your personality

Good at managing the responsibilities of daily life

That you had warm and trusting relationships with others

That you have experiences that challenge you to grow and become a better person

Confident to think of or express your own ideas and opinions

That your life has a sense of direction or meaning to it?

Two More questions:

When was the last time you felt really alive, and what were you doing?

What are 5 activities, pleasures, or events that will make you feel even more alive- right now this month?

That’s it. Great job! Return to these questions monthly for the best results. You might find that it has been a while since you felt really good. If that is the case then it is time to revisit happiness! Or maybe you realize that you are happier than ever right now. That’s awesome :)! Feel free to leave your answers in the comments if you would like. Just like I said in my Big Talk post, I would love to hear how you are really doing. The more we care about others, the better this world will be.

 

To living your best life,

– Alex 🙂

What is happiness? Are You Happy?

/ alexkingman / 1 Comment
440.jpg

Here is a picture of me looking happy. Truth is that when this photo was taken, I had been fighting depression for about 7 months. I was feeling particularly down that day because I felt like I was making little progress toward defeating depression. It took me a while, but I did end up getting out of depression for good (and 100% naturally) by mid 2013. I can confidently say that I will never fall back into depression again. 🙂

This is an excerpt from my upcoming book, The Truth About High School. Although I wrote this book for people in high school, there is a lot of valuable information in the book for anyone of any age. So without further ado, let’s get into it! 🙂

…What is happiness and are you happy?

Happiness is an “inside job” many people say. Which is true, of course. You don’t find lasting happiness in objects, places, or tons of friends. It all must start with you. Happiness is the end result of having positive emotions like inner peace, love, compassion, joy, etc. You come to these emotions by doing what fulfills you, what excites you, and what you are passionate about. You also can get these emotions from spending time with the people who are closest to you and who you really care about. These are the ones who will always be there for you no matter what. Who are these people in your life?

If you are unhappy or constantly negative it is time to reconnect with your happy and positive side. The happy life is one where positive emotions dominate. So by simply enhancing positive emotions, or experiencing them more frequently, you can become a happier person. BUT you need to get these frequent positive emotions through the things and people that fulfill you, or your happiness will be short lived and inauthentic.

Even life circumstances only contribute about 10% to your life’s happiness. This includes getting what you want in life, such as becoming a billionaire or getting married. So if getting what you want doesn’t give you that much lasting happiness, then what does? The answer: appreciating what you really have and being happy within yourself. If you want to be truly happy, a major part of happiness is gratitude and positivity. The happiest people:

  • feel and express gratitude even during tough times in life
  • stay in the moment as much as possible
  • enjoy the simple pleasures of life
  • don’t let unavoidable ups and downs disturb their inner peace

How happy are you? Stop right now and seriously ask yourself this question. If you aren’t sure how happy you are, don’t worry. Happiness is pretty tough to measure. It may help to rate your happiness level on a scale of 1 to 10. Try out this set of questions that can also help you determine how happy you are.

1. In general, I am:

Not happy 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 Very Happy

2. Compared to others, I am:

Less happy 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 More Happy

3. Some people are generally happy regardless of what’s happening in life. To what extent does this describe you?   

Not at all 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 Totally

4. Some people are generally not very happy. Although they aren’t depressed, they never seem to be as happy as they could be. To what extent does this describe you?

Not at all 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 Totally

5. I smile:

Hardly ever 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 Very often

If you look at the numbers you circled, it will give you a very broad understanding of your happiness level. You could always average these numbers too if you want another way to look at it.

If you got a low score on these questions, then you may be depressed. Take this quiz to find out. This quiz was created by Carol Landau, who has a Ph.D. in Depression. I don’t know if I would have ever realized that I was depressed or gotten out of depression if I hadn’t stumbled upon this quiz during my sophomore year of high school. I wanted to include it in this book because I hope that it helps you like it helped me. Even if it only helps one person, I’ll be happy. So let’s take the quiz!

To be diagnosed with depression, you have to feel extremely sad or have lost interest in life, and you must experience 4 out of the 7 following symptoms every day and for at least two consecutive weeks:

– Increase or decrease in weight or appetite without conscious dieting

– Insomnia or excessive sleepiness

– Agitation or lethargy and difficulty getting out of bed

– Loss of energy and fatigue nearly every day

– Feelings of worthlessness or inappropriate guilt

– Difficulties concentrating, thinking or making decisions

– Recurrent thoughts of suicide.

Scientifically, if your mood is constant and lasts more than two weeks, that’s a sign that you might be slipping into depression.

According to Lifescript, which operates the leading website for healthy living, more warning signs for depression include:

  • Loss of interest in things you once enjoyed
  • Sleep problems
  • Appetite changes
  • Lack of energy
  • Feelings of worthlessness or self blame
  • Trouble concentrating or making decisions
  • Thoughts of suicide

Now, there is a difference between grief and depression. Mourning the death of someone close to you is an exception to the two-week rule. For the first month or two, it is typical to have symptoms similar to depression, such as unrelenting sadness, frequent crying, trouble sleeping, poor appetite, and weight loss. But if it continues for longer than this, with no signs of improvement, then the grieving may have turned into depression.

If you are depressed, or if you would like to know more about depression, don’t wait to get help. Your condition will only get worse. But be careful when getting help. It always amazes me how many people think they know what depression is, and that they can solve it for others when they haven’t even been through it themselves! If they haven’t gone through it personally, then they don’t understand. I promise you this. I learned this the hard way when I was getting out of depression myself. If you think you are depressed, even if you aren’t completely sure, please please please do not wait. It is important to take action and start getting out of depression as soon as possible. The sooner you realize it, the sooner you can get out of it!

Trust me, I have been there. It is a dark place, and it is very difficult to see the light. But when you get a glimpse of light, hold onto it and don’t let it go. Build on it until there is no more darkness. You can do it! If I can do it, then you can too. I believe in you. I know that you have what it takes to be happy again and to get out of depression for good. And, strangely enough, once you have completely overcome the challenge of depression for good, never to fall back into it again… your past depression becomes a gift. How? That is a discussion for another book which I am currently writing, so stay tuned. 🙂

If you would like to be happier, you must take time to consistently develop your inner qualities. Every minute you have a choice of where you focus your attention. The more you relax, try your best, and allow life to unfold, the more you will get out of life and the happier you will be. When your mind starts spiraling into negativity, stop yourself. The more you do this, the easier it will be and the more control you will have over your own thoughts. Eventually, you will be able to decide what you want to think about and what thoughts you want to let pass through your mind. Notice the good things in life. Pay attention to the positive things and be an optimist. Understand what makes you happy, and appreciate yourself. Choose to be happy!

“As long as there is a lack of the inner discipline that brings calmness of mind, external facilities or conditions will never give you the feeling of joy and happiness that you are seeking. On the other hand, if you possess this inner quality, a calmness of mind, a degree of stability within, then even if you lack various external facilities that you would normally consider necessary for happiness, it is still possible to live a happy and joyful life. Achieving a genuine sense of happiness may require bringing about a transformation in your outlook, your way of thinking, and this is not a simple matter. In taking care of your physical body, you need a variety of vitamins and nutrients, not just one or two. In the same way, in order to achieve happiness, you need a variety of approaches and methods to deal with and overcome the varied and complex negative mental states… It is not possible to accomplish that simply by adopting a particular thought or practicing a technique once or twice. Change takes time.”

–Dalai Lama

So, what about you…

How happy are you?

Did you just find out that you are depressed?

Do you have a success story?

Feel free to share in the comments. We are a community here and we support each other. 🙂

To your greatest happiness,

-Alex 🙂

Odds & Ends:

  • There is now an Instagram page for this blog’s lifestyle! If you would like to  surround yourself with happy, healthy, and wealthy aspects of your dream life then don’t hesitate to follow @lifetools_official  I promise it will be worth it! 🙂
  • If any of you would like to contact me directly there are two ways:
    • One: Leave a comment on this blog. I will see it 🙂
    • Two: Contact me via Instagram: @lifetools_official . 

Three Little Questions

/ alexkingman / Leave a comment

dalai-lama-1207695_960_720.jpg

Today is a short post. It is just a simple exercise created by the Dalai Lama that can be done in less than five minutes, but the results are big. The beauty is in the simplicity of this exercise. Try it out for yourself 🙂 :

Dalai Lama’s simple exercise for happiness:

Answer for yourself these three questions:

  • Are you having a good day?
  •  Why?
  • Tomorrow, would you rather have a good day or a bad day?

That’s all!

The simplicity of this exercise is deceiving. It is so simple that most people will not even try it, and they will miss the benefits of the results. The most powerful part of this exercise is asking the question, ‘why?’. By asking yourself why you are having a good or bad day, you can objectively look at what you are doing to bring yourself happiness and peace, or unhappiness and stress. This exercise can be used as a guide to help you determine what you need for a happy, healthy, and wealthy life. It will help you understand what you need in your life, and also show you where your life is out of balance.

Living your dreams really can be as simple as asking the right questions, and then following through with your answers through your actions. If you would like to stop living a mediocre life, then this is another step toward a better tomorrow, or even a better rest of the day.

Imagine if you did this exercise once per week and wrote down your answers each time. You would learn so much about yourself and what happiness is to you. After a year, you would have 52 answers about why you were happy or unhappy on one particular day each week for the entire year! That’s some good data on yourself that could be used to find patterns and bad habits causing unhappiness. At the same time, you will be able to see patterns and habits that bring more personal happiness into your life.

So what about the answers you came up with today? What are they telling you about your current lifestyle? Habits? Yourself? Based on your answers from the exercise, what can you change, add, or subtract to bring more happiness into your life?

 

To living your best life and being your best self,

-Alex 🙂

What Would You Do?

/ alexkingman / 1 Comment

time-is-money-1251246_960_720.jpg

Last year I was part of a network marketing company.  There was one thing I really liked about the company’s procedures which really stood out. Whenever we talked to a new person to who was considering joining the company, we would first ask them:

“If time or money were not an issue, what would you do?”

People’s answers said a lot about them and their deeper wants, needs, or aspirations in life (or whether they had given it much thought at all). Whether I knew the person or not, asking this question was like turning on a flashlight in a dark room. I suddenly understood the person a lot better, and I felt like I could see a little bit of their true selves shining through. It made me feel like I was Kalina Silverman in the “Big Talk: Before I Die…” video.

Here are some of the answers I received:

#1. Insurance broker, male

“If time or money were not an issue, I would explore the world, because there is so much out there to see and experience. I would also buy back my family’s farm and have friends and family over often.”

#2. Recent CSU Chico college graduate, female

“If time or money was not an issue, I would like to help others in need.”

#3. Sophomore in community college, male

“If time or money were not an issue, I would Become a model. I would also be a machinist. I would also be a video photographer for film. I would also be a data analyzer for a company.”

#4. College freshman, female

“If money wasn’t an issue I would pay off school and housing before anything so that my parents wouldn’t be stressed out about getting it paid every month. Once that was taken care of as well as my family, I would give back. I would give back to my community and school and anyone else that was in need or anyone that ever helped me. I really wish money wasn’t an issue but unfortunately it is although I know one day it won’t be.”

#5. CSU Chico college freshman, female

“If time or money where not an issue for me, I would definitely dedicate my time to travel around the world. This is because, first of all, I love to travel, and another reason is that i love getting to know more about the individuality of every culture. In this scenario I would also take advantage that I am in different parts of the world to learn more languages. I would also dedicate myself to working out more often – and by working out i mean playing basketball. I love to play basketball. I have played since i was 6 years old and have continued to play until this year which is my freshman year at Chico State University. I would also like to travel with my fiancé.”

#6. High School Senior, male 

“If Time or money were not an issue I would be an artist- like drawing or writing. Probably mostly a writer of novels. I really enjoy it and I have realized lately that I like it. I would also go on a cross country road trip.”

#7. College Freshman, Baseball player, male

“I would hang out mostly- I probably wouldn’t do too much. I would also get a house so that I would have a place to live, and I’d also get my parents a house. I don’t really know what else.”

#8. High School Senior, female

“If time or money were not an issue, I would use it to do things that I have always wanted to do, such as travel around to certain places, and do more volunteer work at certain places and all around.”

#9. UC Santa Barbara, college freshman, female

“If time or money were not an issue, I would be a professional dancer, and I would spend every day hiking and doing stuff outside.”

#10. Father and husband from Twin Falls, Idaho 

“If time and money were not an issue, I would definitely spend as much time with my wife and kids, taking them wherever they want and watching them all grow up right before my eyes, cherishing every moment.”

#11 Community college student

“If time or money were not an issue, I’d probably be traveling. Where? All over Europe, Austrailia, places I’ve never been. I’d want to go with my mom. We get great deals too because she’s a flight attendant.  I’d also be buying cool cars, stuff like that. I’m a Ferrari guy.” 

Do you think that these people should go for their dreams?

“Of course!” you say.

But what about you? Should you go after your dreams? Why are you so hesitant to say yes for yourself, while you are so quick to say yes for others? You know yourself better than you know them, so why do you believe in their abilities while doubting your own?

Fear. We get inside our own heads. The root of your procrastination, doubts, and complaints (including convincing yourself that your dreams will never happen) are due to deeply rooted fear. Fear has been said to stand for “False Evidence Appearing Real” and I tend to agree with this definition. Most of the time, fear is unwarranted. You have to keep in mind that you are the only one who can make your dream life become a reality. No one else is going to do it for you. There are enough people and institutions trying to limit you already, so don’t willingly enslave yourself to your own fears. It is time to put your fears aside and Take The Leap into the unknown.

So, what about you?  If time or money were not an issue, what would you do?

Take your time imagining exactly what you would do, then write down your answer. With the right mindset, you are already halfway there.

To living your dreams,

-Alex 🙂

Stop Living a Mediocre Life!

/ alexkingman / 4 Comments

What exactly is a mediocre life? Well, you could define it like this: A mediocre life is your style of living (made up of habits, actions, people, thoughts, responsibilities, etc.) that you have settled for, which is not up to your hopes or standards and gives you feelings of boredom, monotony, and a fixed mindset.

If you feel like your life is boring, pointless, just the same as everyone else’s, monotonous, or just not that great, then you are living a mediocre life. You are more than what you are settling for. Now, if you know what you are worth then go out and get it! You are attracting your mediocrity because you subconsciously believe that it is all you can do, and that this is the best life you are able to live. But deep down, there are desires and talents that must come out! You can live an amazing life. You can be all that you want. You are the one. You are powerful. You are here on this earth at this time in this form as you, to do all that you would like to do, and be all that you would like to be.

It is time to stop living a mediocre life! Don’t wait until next week, or next month, or even tomorrow. It stops today! It’s time to get up and do something about it! Don’t have time? Make time. If you don’t have time to do something that is this important, then you don’t have your priorities in order. This is your life. You only get one. There is no excuse. It is time to change. It is time to become satisfied and proud of yourself and the life you are living. Are you ready? Doing this is much simpler than you might think. Here is what you need to do:

First, carve out some time for yourself. Maybe a Saturday morning, or a Tuesday afternoon. Whenever you can get a good chunk of time alone to just be with yourself and not be interrupted. Get a pen and paper. Ask yourself these questions below. Write your answers on the paper.

  1. Why do I consider my life to be mediocre? Be as specific and detailed as possible.
  2. What exactly is holding me back and keeping me here living this mediocre style of life? 
  3. How can I change each situation listed above so that I can live the life I desire? Write down 3 actionable steps for each.
  4. What habits do I have that are keeping me away from being a better person and enjoying a better life?
  5. How can I change these habits into something that will benefit me and my life? (See previous post Living From Intentional Habits (Or: Killing Bad Habits and Monotonous Routines) to help you with this step.)
  6. What exactly do I want my life to look like? What is your dream life? Be as specific and detailed as possible.
  7. Why? Why do you want your life to look like your previous description? Why is each of part of your dream important to you? Does it solve a problem? Is it something that you have always wanted? Is it something that you think is really cool? Does each part of your dream life excite you? Be as specific and detailed as possible.
  8. After asking why, is there anything that I need to change about my dream life?
  9. What is the one thing I can do today that will be the best step toward my new dream life, and away from my old mediocre life? What is the most efficient and effective thing you can do today (or right now) to propel you toward your best life?
  10. What can I move around in my schedule so that I can work on this every day until my new life is a reality?

That’s it! It is a simple process, but it is not necessarily easy. Anyone can ask these questions, but it takes a lot of effort and concentrated thinking to find the answers. Most people don’t get this far. They try to answer the questions above and they give up because it is hard. But you know what is harder? Continuing to live a life that does not live up to your dreams and values. Answer the questions and you will know what you must do next. Here are a couple more things to keep in mind:

Believe in yourself! If you don’t believe in yourself, no one else will either. You must believe in you. Invest in yourself. Develop your spiritual side. Focus on personal development and connecting with your inner spirit. If you don’t like being alone with yourself, be alone and make peace. Inner peace. It is a way of living, not a destination. Simply know that you are perfect and ready for the world just the way you are. You are important to the world because it only takes one to change the world. If you change your life, you change your world.

Take time to ponder yourself and your life. Meditate and relax. Clear your mind. Reflect. Journal. Visualize the future and other positive visions for greatness. Take time to do this at least once per week. I carve out a few hours one day per week for this. I also spend some time doing these things almost every single day. Specifically, you could set a time, or a reminder.

People who live amazing lives are also amazingly thankful. I have a sticky note up on the wall in my bedroom right next to my bedside table that says, “I am thankful for…”. I purposefully put it in a place that I always look so that I am always thinking of something I am grateful for that can finish the phrase. Most of the time our mediocre life does not come from our situations in our everyday circumstances. Most of the time, it comes from our fears, false beliefs, and fixed mindsets. By taking time for yourself to meditate, think, visualize, etc., your quality of life will improve.

If you want to live an extraordinary life, stop being and doing the ordinary. Do what makes you happy. Do things for you because you decided to and because you want to. Think and act for yourself. Don’t just blindly follow what everyone else is doing. Just because most people do something doesn’t mean that it is the right way or the best way. Most of the time, these people have no idea what they are doing or where they are going. If you find yourself doing the same thing as everyone else, you should probably think about whether it is right for you. If not, no matter how many other people are doing it, you should choose another direction.

If you would like to live a mediocre life, then don’t change and keep doing what you have always been doing. But once you know that you are not living the way you desire, it is difficult to just simply ignore this truth and fade back to your old ways. It has your attention and now that you have noticed, it sticks out like a sore thumb. This is because parts of your life do not line up with your values and dreams. It is time to change! It is time to grow. It is time to become your best version and live an amazing life. No more mediocrity!

To living your best life,

-Alex